At 30 years of age
I still remain chained
To a childhood
Black Plague
Looking back now
I see all the mistakes
I feel sickened by the acts
I cannot believe I missed
THE OBVIOUS
But it wasn’t me
AMIDST the PATTERNS
High-school dropout
Teenage pregnancy
16 year old dad
EMANCIPATED
runaway
Paternity established
GED obtained
Working 2 jobs
to provide for them
My girlfriend and son
She left me
We separated
She cheated while I worked
I guess it’s boring
being home alone all day
Custody battle
We share joint custody
no child support order
WE ARE EQUALS
Co-parenting now
for going on 14 years
A failed marriage of 7 years
I went through
and when she left me
I went off the deep-end
GONE
I MOVED TO VERMONT
after working a sale there
I lost all communication
with all my loved ones
4 months of this
living astray
out of a suitcase
working non-stop
I crossed paths
with my last love
We locked eyes
and they never separated
I moved in with her
and together we
helped each other
My son Nick
came to live with us
She made me
a better man
she gave me
PURPOSE
She fought me
tooth and nail
For she knew
I needed to prevail
From past pain
from a current brain
from a heart crushed
from loved ones hurt
She fought me
but no-matter what
I REFUSED to
OPEN-UP
Until it was
TO LATE
Nick goes back
to be with his mom
in Indiana
I stay back to
figure things out
I move out
We try to
work things out
Failed attempt
after failed attempt
We finally gave-up
Amidst Covid
with no job
I go crazy
within
MY THOUGHTS
Her words
replay in
the back of my
MIND
GET HELP
Im drinking heavy
to drown the pain
afraid of possibly
a necessary CHANGE
REQUIRED ?
I fall back to
an old acquaintance
I remember my previous
HEARTBREAK
POEMS ON A WEBSITE
From 2014
now it’s 2020
I reset my password
and make a new login
COSMOFUNNEL
I start identifying
my past troubles
dissecting them
inside and out
Writing every scenario
I can remember
day in and night out
NONSTOP
THE THOUGHTS KEEP
COMING
MY MIND FEELING  REFRESHED
With each escaped memory that was trapped
From the time I wake up until I go to bed , I am drinking and writing poetry from my childhood past
My identity then
REBORN-ROB
freestyles, narratives, tragedies, romance and every other style you can think of
All wrote in blood from a kid trapped within my skin
I even started to freestyle RAPS
knowing through my journey I learned one thing and that is to just let your mind release things freely without attempting to dilute the feelings or emotions and afterwards listen or read back and you will
LEARN SOMETHING
ABOUT YOURSELF
Everyday I felt a change taking place , clearing space amidst my mind
My brain retraining itself to not be such a bad guy
My heart starting to desire change from hidden bitterness to calls of forgiveness wanting to be ANSWERED
THEN .... came a dream
MY GRANDFATHER YELLING AT ME ....GO HOME !

Off to Indiana I go , against my wishes as I’m now forced to face the culprits that created
THIS VICTIM
But to be close to my son
it MADE SENSE as I want to be for him THE SUPPORT I
never had in an EFFORT
TO BREAK THE PATTERNS
FOR THE FUTURE
GENERATIONS
AND NOT JUST ME
therapy sessions now along with poetry still , music still being made , exercises still being played , SUPPORT IS
STRONG
But now it’s
TIME TO MOVE ON
RIP REBORN-ROB
He was just a character made up to help ACCEPT the bad
CHILDHOOD MEMORIES
In an effort to heal from
the pain I was a victim to
for many years without
knowing although showing
THE CONSTANT SYMPTOMS
     So I deleted the profile along with all 450 poems ! They are no longer serving a PURPOSE they have achieved their goal
by helping a trapped boy inside a MAN LET GO AND GROW
now it’s time for other traumas , habits and vices
That’s where Shallow Waters
came into play
Shallow meaning I’m able to stand , I feel it’s possible unlike before when I was in the
DEEP-END
So yes my name is Rob
technically
Robert James Grove
but that’s the end result
as that’s who I will be
WHEN I HEAL
FROM THE FLAWS
I WAS GAVE , and I WILL
but until then
I REMAIN
IN SHALLOW WATERS