Mother can continue to see me
as a daughter, but my brother
and my husband must want
to know me as I am

I need that
even if it's not true
because my fruitless striving
keeps me alive nonetheless

Walking and writing
in notebooks and letters
explanations of who I am

Book after book to refute
and to replace what they like
to think about me, to break
it down and nuance it

Word by word weighed
and considered and rejected
now for sale to strangers -
my kind, if they dare to be so