i told myself
i don’t miss him.
i rehearsed it in the mirror
like a line in a play
that didn’t quite sound right.

i swore i stopped caring
about where he goes,
who he calls,
what he forgets.

but then he leaves
and somehow
my heart checks the time
as if it still runs on his schedule.

he made me feel things
i thought only lived in movies,
you know
when someone just gets you
without needing to say a word.
just hands,
just presence,
just him,
and my favorite song
three times in a row,
like he was trying to memorize me
in lyrics.

but what if it wasn’t that deep for him?
what if i made it all up
in my hope-shaped head?
what if he just said
everything i wanted to hear
because i was listening,
because i was soft,
because i made love easy?

he held me
like i was the last spark of warmth
in his cold, distracted world.
he looked at me
like maybe
just maybe
i was the thing he never knew he needed.

different.
chill.
warm.
safe.

but now he’s gone.
not all the way
just enough to hurt.

and i’m left
picking petals off memories,
asking
was it real?
was i?