Thump. Thump.
My heart's steady rhythm goes
The same sound in the back of my head
Thinking. Processing.
Red
The color of the vital liquid necessary in my body
Thump. Thump.
The rush of a heart
Overthinking its surroundings
That people judge
Everybody swirls. One seems so small.
The words mix
Blend and mush.
My own mouth betrays me
Thoughts flow out like a flowing river
Thump. Thump.
Stares. Glares.
Is it me they talk about?
Whispers. Blurs.
Oh god, there go the rampant thoughts
They must be referring to me.
Eyes down. Feet go in rhythm.
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
Thump. Thump.
She's opened her mouth again
It flows and twists the true intent of the poison lurking inside
The true darkness under this skin
Would they understand?
The smile. It's vital for masking.
Drown it. Bury it. You're fine.
The same rhythm. Walk behind them.
Manners. Grades. Be active in school activities.
Grin like you've won an award and hide the dimples from this new mask.
Thump. Thump.
Maybe the mask will help me stay under the radar
It cracks like porcelain
From the pressure of the past years
It ages the mask quicker
More damage than most
But glue and tape fix it
The cracks turn into see-through areas
Others ask about the broken mask
Don't worry them. Fix the mask.
Thump.
No no, the rhythm is one beat off
That one beat
Coming for me like vengeance
This is all wrong
Smile and grin like that one rhythm doesn't rock your world.
The clay is cracking and the slip isn't helping.
Pick up the pieces and redo the piece quickly.
Crack.
Crap. It broke fully and there's no more time.
Make a makeshift one.
Hurry.
Tick Tock.
Tick tock, CRACK.
The clock broke, the rhythm's broken.
Nothing to tap out or march to.
Just the eerie silence I've grown to hate.
It mocks me with its lack of sound.
It lets the monsters I've grown to hate run rampant.
My eyes count the number of bumps on the popcorn ceiling.
The tears that I've pent up so carefully rip through my face violently.
Ugly sounds that match the dark mask behind the facade of light
Rip through my body like an unwelcome guest that barged in.
The tingly feeling invades my body like a hurricane
Just like it wants to show my level of brokenness.
My autonomy flees away as the overwhelming sadness I feel
That I hide decides to take over my body.