i know i should've
said something to her
when the time was right.
i should've told her
on the day
that the sun had
hit her face
just
right.
or when she laughed
at something
only i would've noticed.

i had the words.
i really did --
they sat
on the tip of my tongue,
sort of like a secret,
one hoping
to be brave.

but i swallowed the words.
again --
and again.
over --
and over.
until they had eventually
turned into silence
that hurt more
than speaking the truth
ever would have.

she now tells me
about him,
i just have to smile --
pretend im okay,
pretend im listening,
with a small nod
here
and
there.

i say im happy for her.
but gosh...
i wish she had known
that i loved her
first.
i wish she had known
that i loved her
quietly,
and completely,
even if
i hadn't ever
said it
out
loud.