I’ve been feeling so much
That only the touch
Of one saint as such
Jesus could save me

I am not religious by any
Means it’s just analogies
It’s funny this feeble
Season that mingles
My feeling so little

Into something less fragile
Like cheese made from milk
Worm ***** and silk
Or whatever there is
That suits up your ships

I’ve been running from feeling
But that’s where the healing
Seems to be found
And I am quite proud
So I’ve been quite loud
In prolonging the frown

And I’ve been holding my foot
On this nail yet no root
Seems to take place
Or some divine grace
To appear by my feet
I guess I must meet

Myself where I am
And grief yesterday
If I can’t alone may
Therapy help me

Or a friend if there’s any

Preferably both

So all this depression
Turns into expression
Not to be rid of
But to feel it belongs
And is safe to be
As long as it needs
And then it will leave

By it’s own volition

But that’s not my mission

For tears are a must
If you ever put trust
In something you believed
And it brought in the grief
Of the hopes dead with it

I will grief it all
Between the ***** and the ****
And the drugs and night outs
And it might take a while
To relearn how to smile

It might take forever
But I won’t know if i never
Get out of my head
And say the word ”help”
Cause I’ll die of regret
If I go like this yet
Never pray that I’ll land
Wherever I'm meant
And take the first step
To where I see life
Forgive all the strife
And become less ****
Myself too with it

Thank God that I lived
With enough honesty
To have something to grief
So passionately
Again, not religious, just using the saying
How else could say that I'm always praying
That I'll see what's tomorrow
Beyond this deep sorrow
And this feeling so hollow
How else to keep faith
To not fall in my grave
When it's all feeling hopeless
And endlessly scopeless

Maybe you can't tell
I am not doing well
I hurt a lot now
Because I somehow
Managed to live
Just how my heart dreamed
And now I landed
So my knees hurt a bit
Bit lost and in need
Of help for a grip
On the kindness I seek
In me, it's not lit
So a lantern would fit
At least a matchstick
IF at all anything

Maybe you can't tell
Ever since I fell
It has been some time
But I know, I'll be fine,
I'll take me a while
To let go of denial
And get through the mire
After all, it's hellfire
I'm learning to feel
But It's all part of grief,
It's all part of life

This Suffering and pain and strife
The stars, the moon, the skies and sun
They're all aspects of this "one"
That this poem calls a God
Or Nirvana, Universe
They are all words wrote in the verse
Of living life through your own lens
There wouldn't be as much suspense
Without the heavier chapters
Sad, or mad or sea or stone
They all beat being monotone

So while it hurts and brings much dread
I do accept that love is dead
In the shape it used to have
And it is not coming back
In my life on the same track

To my surprise it's not that fun
When black holes consume the sun
But something I've come to believe
Is that they don't call it "good grief"
For nothing now...)))
Onwards I row, onwards...
Somehow

_M.