The disdain with every reluctant glance in the mirror brings me great pain
I have not a clue who that is and don't expect anyone else to
Though more than anything I want to be perceived as myself by you
So worn thin of trying to, accordingly, dress up the mannequin
When the mirror is your greatest enemy, it can be hard to get a grip on your sanity
I once had the most glorious dream where I was torn up at the seams
They took away everything I don't want, everything I don't need, everything never meant to be
For a few moments I was light as a feather
Gently they put me back together
I was then finally whole, my body matching my soul
Elated with a joy never felt before
Oh how splendid to be under that knife
A cure for the despair that has plagued my life
Only to awake still fully intact, a dose of harsh reality comes rushing back
Back to the sad, awful fact that my life is a cruel joke and to the sorrow in which that evokes
Why God? I wish I never awoke
Dysphoria afloat, forever stuck on this boat
Never to be seen for who I truly am
Born to be inevitably ******
Effortlessly made to feel lesser than
Too overbearing I feel trying to get you to understand
Nothing I could ever say, it's no use
Really, what right have anyway?
A disapproval in your eyes, A somber tone in your voice
If this were only a choice, maybe I could silence the ever present internal noise
I can't shake into to you to see that of which pains me so immensely that I can't see as my reflection stares back at me
No matter the pills popped, what's cut up or off, I fear I will never see "me", that I will never feel at home in my body
When the mirror is your greatest enemy, it can be hard to get a grip on your sanity
But no long can I dwell on the defects I see or how I'm perceived
No my soul has grown far too weary and despite my exterior I can no longer allow myself to be made to feel inferior
I have to hold onto hope, the hope that one day I will feel free...free enough to relish in the beauty of just being me