The voices on the TV tell me
One day the sadness will end.
That spring will come again.
But this winter feels endless and
My cold heart cries the lyrics to a
Funeral song;
“Jesus Christ, I’m so blue all the time.”

Remember spring?
Do You remember how
I would’ve danced for You?
Your water gave me new life and
I’ll never forget the embrace of
My brothers, unafraid of the
Cold and wet.

But as the weather grew warmer,
The colder and heavier
My heart became.
I’d never been as scared as when
I could feel it turning to stone.

So I ran.
I ran away to feel something.
The deceptive sun shining through
My windshield made me feel
Warm again.

Then I met the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
But his garments were clawed through and
Sheep don’t wear ankle monitors.
And now I have to live with the fact that
I ran into the arms of a beast who
Ruined a twelve year old’s
Chance at a normal life.

The boy is grown now and
The same age as me.
I pray he doesn’t keep himself up at night
On the lookout for stalking creatures.
I pray he’s okay.

And now it’s back to me and You.
You let me run away.
But You brought me home.
You let me cut myself.
But You make the scars heal.
You let me doubt and swear and
Scream unanswered prayers.
But You saved my heart from stone.

As I write this,
I feel a little warmer.
I want to trust You.
I know I love You.
Please be patient with me.
After all, twenty two long years later and
I’m still new to this world.