I stay behind the screens,
watching from far away from
friends laughing in pleasant light,
while I shrink into the corners
like dust nobody will sweep up.


They talk freely and
my words rot in my throat.
Every “how are you?”
is like an exam I already failed
so I smile with hollow notes.


I want to say I miss you all,
but it hangs like guilt in my chest.
I want to ask can you see me?
But I already know the rest.
I'm just that blur in the group picture
there, but never really there.


It's not your fault that you don’t notice.
I made it easy for you to ignore.
I shrink back into smallness even quieter
than background noise,
somewhere along the way
I started to believe I was less than nothing more.


But still
I watch. I care. I wish.
Even if I can’t speak it right.
Even if my silence
is all that you remember.