i always thought,
the darkness fed on me.
hunted me, like prey.
made me weaker,
made me lose control.

i realise now —
darkness did nothing.
i did.

i offered myself up
on a plate,
walking paths
i'd already worn thin.
it’s all my fault.
it’s all on me.

what a freakish thing —
blaming my wrongdoings
on him.

if anything,
darkness is a mate
i owe an apology to.

i didn’t mean to bad-mouth you,
when you’re the only one
carrying me
on your back,
when i get deep,
dark blue.