oh Lord my God I am afraid of my own consciousness and the things outside of time

I want a love so deep my soul is sinking
smelling of rose petals and earthy rainforest steam all the way down
memories laced with ecstasy, glowing, every touch like careening into stellar orbit

death is such a burden on us and yet what a freedom
the surreality of losing her physical existence, we don’t have to worry about her anymore, suddenly, she no longer has things to carry in pocketbooks, released of everything she was bound by,
all money all mouths all paper documents and licenses, tracking her, timing her, no more

and there is nothing quite like the completeness of death, its totality and permeating vastness to make me want to fall in love in the same way, untethered, rippling like a stone thrown into dark water,
clouded, something like a rainforest,
pitter patter echoing and fog and tangles of leaves overhead shrouding me from the prying eyes of my God