the first thing i have to say is stop overthinking just because you see my long paragraph. i adore you, and nothing will change that. i can finally listen to our song without feeling like i might die.

ever since i sent you that first polite little message in like what, december of 2023 (??) i knew i wanted to be someone you called your friend. i would’ve settled for less, even. i just wanted to say i knew you.

we both had the same interests, and i was very intrigued by you, and your persona. you’re someone i wanted to be like. we became friends fairly quickly, too. you never made me feel left out, or neglected, you introduced me to your friends, and welcomed me with open arms. i am so happy i get to call you my friend.

you bring me more comfort than anyone i have ever met, and i often find myself asking “what did i do to deserve you ?” because seriously, i don’t deserve you. i’d do anything for you, because i genuinely love you.

on that note, i can’t exactly remember when i fell in love with you, but ******* i fell hard. it’s like a hazy memory, but when i think of it, it warms me. you are strictly and solely my biggest muse in life and every choice i made in the past year was because “my bella would be proud of me.” you fuel every choice i make because you are the foreshadow. you determine whether or not i wake up that day and go to sleep every night for 377 days. and i’m still counting, for some reason.

i wrote you the epic poem, the longest one i’ve ever written in my whole poetry career and you own it. you own me. every single line in that poem goes to you and i leave it in the purest and most authentic way because that is genuinely how i felt in that moment, and about you.

you are the girl i live for.

to this day, you still continue to be the girl i write for, because i’ve never met an angel quite like you, my dear. and i don’t want to be rash, seeing as i’ve only been back for hmm, less than a week ?

i don’t ever want to make you wait, (even though i do, and i have) but i’m someone who is so connected with my emotions that i will push away every person. i don’t know why i leave. but i guess i always feel a little better when i can feel what i feel alone.

i’m sorry i left so suddenly in november. you deserved better.

i cannot control my emotions. they’re so strong, and so connected to me that i’ve almost never felt numb in my life. living without you is like hell on earth and knowing it most likely will happen again fears me. i fear to lose you. i spent the whole year, trying to get closure by looking for other people. then i realized i was only searching for you. it only made me long for you more. i keep you to myself because no one else should be worth your time but me. although, i just don’t want to waste your time. i don’t want to feel then have to forget.

i am extremely possessive over you, even if i don’t show it. i knew you from afar the whole year. i see you, and i love you. i don’t like being jealous, but you make it so hard. especially when you talk about other girls, or your exes. you are too good for everyone. you’re mine, and i want to officiate that.

so with that being said, bella– i’d like you to be my girlfriend. seriously.