I haven’t written for so long,
I guess too many things are wrong.

There’s a voice telling me to quit,
and one repeating I’d hate myself if I did.

I’m a failure. I failed. Then I failed again,
It’s driving me crazy. I’m insane.

That exam, the mark I haven’t yet seen,
It doesn’t matter—I’m just fourteen.

IF I am a failure, and let everyone down,
My friends will still live in this town.

Kids on playgrounds will still laugh,
They won’t realise ALL of this is tough.

And I will still turn fifteen then sixteen,
No matter how I am being seen.

Perceived by the little girl in me,
By all the things I can never be.

I’ll still walk past mirrors and see the scars,
Still look at the sky in hope I find stars.

So I can be a failure and not give up,
And therefore I award myself a gold cup.

I can feel my sadness from within,
Because I never ever ever win.

That doesn’t mean I’m a failure tho,
I hope my thoughts don’t show.

I wear noise cancelling headphones,
Just to hear the voice in my bones.

But it isn’t real—This voice is a ghost,
It can’t tell me what I value most.

I used to hate ghosts—I was scared,
Is that why me and my ghost got paired?

Now could I have, my dear—
Become the thing you used to fear?