why am i hurt by the fact that she sings in tune to your melodies? you might not love me, i do not love you, but why is it that i am hurt by you dancing hand in hand with some woman or man? there is no allegiance yet my heart coils and burns when i see you with her and for that, i wish i could punish myself. i have no strength to bear, no commitment to show, but i am paralyzed by everything you do. i don’t wish to sing in tune, i don’t pine to harmonize with your wavering melodies hanging on my lips like a jungle vine. i don’t wish to love you for the image that you represent, i don’t wish to love you with the power i have left in me. why am i so powerless now when all that shot through my veins before was strength? why do i allow myself to submit to an idea that isn’t even alive, cannot come to fruition? why must i try to align myself for a man who’ll never attempt to know me for more than just what lies outside? but i am hollow, and he must know, can sense it from a mile away. why do i let the chance strangle me, tame me, multiply until it is unable to be fought? i have fists the size of my anger; watch me be more than just my humanistic desires. watch me burn this entire village down just so the music cannot be heard. watch me discover that the fire is warmer than your touch and so i will shake in indignation and swallow myself up in the flames of my rage. i do not love you, i love the way your ashes look on the ground: lifeless and shriveled.
wrote this a while ago, just about feeling inadequate for someone. when people choose someone else over me, it kinda hurts. but i get it.