My little love.

You are growing inside me. 2 inches long they say. Arms and legs. Finger nails.

I love you.

I'm drinking
And smoking
Eating sushi
And deli meat

I remember when I was 17

I sat down on my dad's coffee table
And I cried

I said
"Daddy I'm tired. I'm so tired. I don't want to do this anymore."

And he said:
"I know kid. It never gets better. You just have to do it."

I am broken. I am sad.
I want to die everyday.
Little person.  

I knew I was pregnant months ago.
My depression kept me from doing anything about it.

I'm almost too far along for easy pills.
I can't afford anything else.

I'm going to **** you

I'm so sorry baby.

I'm going to take your heartbeat away.

Every day that I've been alive I have wished not to be.

You're half me.
You understand.

These aren't excuses. I feel sick. I feel sad. I feel broken. I feel like a murderer.


I love you.
You won't exist.
You won't hurt.
Your grandpa will take you home.
Long before I get there.



Say hi to grandpa baby.
Tell him I miss him and I'm sorry.

I love you so I won't make you do this.