i fill this hunger
with mouthfuls of rich red juice
hoping to quell
the pit of desperation rebuked
i spin my vessel of flesh and bones
around
and around
hoping to provide a blur
of meanings and lines
which no one can dissect nor infer
and when I crash
finally
when I crash
the hard cement rises up to greet me
salted solid slab
colliding with
soft seamless skin
I smile giddily
drunk on my own apathy
a merry go round array
of thoughts
all tumbling
with no end in sight
if I can't cease them
i can at least confuse them
with swiftly spinning sets of dials
until there is no more room
for the mental unloading
no more space
nor void
to feel
instead an ever rotating disc of colours
verdant green teal
and gushing forth
from expressive blues
cheeky yellow tinges
tinting warm amber hues
a palette of mixed emotions
oozing out of me
better out than in
I tell myself
as I continue to spin
the dangerous game of momentum
building up inside of me
once more
pitilessly
I allow the individual strands
to entangle this gore
and teetering
I watch
as my strands of stability unfurl
I am hooked
on playing devil's advocate
to my own mind
defying the forsaken guards
to the entrusted internal tower
when the outside threatens
to pull you
into its sordid bower
around
and around
I continue to spin
and when I crash
yet again
i stay there
motionless limbs
giving in to the rich red juice
as i permit it to infuse
my hair
my hands
my mind
oh, how it soothes
in a twisted
uncaring yet fleetingly satisfying way
a crash
and a demise
one end to another's compromise
a single point dissolved
into an inscrutable rounding
my little game of risk and falling
this is how I satiate
the hunger that calls
this is how I store my emotions
in barrels of waves that stall
this is what i give into
when mind's awry
and heart's amiss
rich red throes
of
saturated bliss.