that horrible empty feeling
where you search with a dead flashlight
stumbling in the dark
trying to fill a void
you do not realize exists
with hair dye and anxious texts
with checking and fantasizing
piling on more emptiness
until it consumes you

then one day
you smell the grass
and you open your eyes
and the darkness is overcome
with an obscene amount of sun
and birds that sing songs of security
and you no longer need to search
and rush
and check, check, check
instead you rest
and start to even
dare to live