I am angry.

It takes a while for me to get there,
But that doesn't mean I won't.

It took some time for me to learn to read it
The subtext between the lines,
The looks, the fake smiles
But now I can see it.

I see you for who you are
And who you were,
And I can see now
Behind your smiles
The way you see me.

I am angry
Because you lied to me.
Because you still pretend we're friends
Like you'd die for me
When you prefer my absence to my company
But didn't decide to let me know.

Instead
You found a fault you could exploit
A guilty, shameful moment, a moment I slipped
You could have forgiven
And instead you let every little thing that remained
Pour out onto me.

All of the lies got too much
The uncomfortable lack of love
So you said it was the last straw
And you will blame the desolation
On my mistakes.

But I see it now
Rereading the chapters of our history,
The moments I felt a minor mystery
Speedbumps I painted over, glittering
Because I thought that's all they were.

Now I see the signs on those old highway roads,
And that this was one exit ramp of many we've passed before
I'm glad we finally went our own ways
I'm glad I see it now, that it was you standing in the way.

It wasn't my fault.
It isn't my fault, the way that you felt, when you didn't tell me.

It wasn't my fault.
It isn't my fault, the way I was hurt by the guilt you pushed onto me.

******* for making me think it was.

Thank you for the times you built me up.

And ******* for ripping it all apart,
And for making me do it with my own hands.