My heart sometimes thumps in a normal pace.
Then confuses itself and loses rhythm.
My chest flutters, my breathing shutters
But I keep living.

What does it mean to exist?
Well quite literally, that your heart persists.

Between the beats, there's a moment of quiet.
Stillness that precedes another thump
or serves as an epilogue to the last one.

I am painfully aware of my heartbeat.
So much that it hurts.
I don't want exercise to speed it up and use up my remaining beats
Nor alcohol to plummet it to a state where it beats no more.

But then I lay in bed at night and listen to the soft thumps in my chest.
And it reminds me of its purpose.
Whether or not it unexpectedly stops one day
or beats till it can't beat any more

I'll do my best to love and nurture this erratic, fickle heart of mine.