and the marked moments of how i rejoiced too
while i sat on my knees and ate their lips
as they peed on me
i would look up and i saw they want it
and they wanted me to tell and i wanted it too yes
because i could be the only one they can do it with too
i felt special
and it felt good, yeah

and i liked being smothered under them
giving them all the power over me,
i thought maybe that made them feel good about themselves
and so they'd love me because i never could love myself
how selfish of me

don't give me the crap about i have to start loving myself
truth is
it is your excuse to not meet me where i am
and if even there is reason and rationality to that principle
**** i have tried and you didn’t give me nothing then
you called me a worm under your shoe

worm under a shoe,
does it coil up,
does it fit into the crevices and around your feet
what if it found a little cozy home around the base of shoes
and took itself where the shoes went
with you

anyway
a friend once told me i am fine with everything
so i wrote a poem about how i want someone to
lay together and decay together with, a poem
that no one read so i had to pay for someone to read it.
******* four lines
and i had to pay in hopes someone would soulfuck me enough
just once
ah no i wanted more than once