your image is slow to fade from mind
like a stoic candle lit to last
flickering edges meet hazy memories
a single tear to wipe clean all that bitterness and doubt
clogging the arteries I fear
drainage error
virus downloaded
this mental trap screams: my software corrupted
functioning eroded
wires are crossed
too many conflicting states and feelings over the truth i've lost
truth lies in the fires of my heart's compromise
and it's so much easier to burn my fingers that put out the flames which threaten to devour
than risk inhaling any more suffocating self disclosure
must quash that burning sensation and bury it deep within
under layers of contempt and twisted memories
contorted in their ugly deceit
drown those wisps of smoky desire and longing
in the barrels of reality check discovery you reap
keep it in line
subdue the divine
forge a happy face for the torturer's mastermind
swallow the flames I tell myself like I'd rather swallow the pain
than wear it outside of me like a slim fitting sleeve built to capture every flaw and edge
I'd rather let those flames engulf me
internal rotation
to turn me inside out until I have no choice but to be reborn to emerge from the ashes I mourn of my crumpled past selves
my crumbling disintegrating fragmented selves
all piled up into a corner I'd sought to forget
now to tame that fire and teach it to transform me
pitiful regeneration
teach me the ways of transfiguration
to swallow the flames
and maybe then I could swallow this pain
tame those flames into ritualistic engorgement to keep the contents of my derelict meal inside to bear the fullness of a flame growing larger from which i can't hide but still these edges of your presence flicker and taunt
frayed mental resolve
the damage is done
scorched to the bone, my heart is hung
upon the sleeve that you have now wrung
and indeed see fit this cobweb i've slung
of forlorn drudgery unsheathed
a cobweb of displaced feeling
conceived
a webbing of desperate belief
a web of stained tears
I continue to weave.