I have cried tears I would let no one see, I guess above all I'd say I am happy to just be me. I don't know others describe me for the most part do not care, as long as I have at least one person who is really there. You can't put things into prospective without paying the toll, I'm running on empty even though I've got no where to go. I'm bombarded by voices and images that weren't meant to last. It's a hell of a thing to be haunted by the past. Even though I've lived and learned and loved and lost, to sit out the pain would been quite a cost. For I've laughed till I've cried with those I call my own, and it is true where you hang your heart is home. I feel confident that I am doing quite well, not trying to listen to the stories others tell, about finding that fabled happiness some believe is just lore, and I am astonished that I still remember exactly what I am fighting for. Like everyone else I sometimes feel sad and blue, at the end of my rope uncertain as to what I can do. You can talk **** but I don't give a **** because I refuse to just sit here spitting out pieces of broken luck. Life is what you make it and although mines not all I hoped it would be, there no one that can change it none but me. I am the captain of my soul the master of my fate. Can you still save me or is too late. Corrupted by age innocent I am not but I can't be forsaken and **** sure not forgot. I make an impression that lasts awhile, no matter what I force myself to smile. I've been though a lot more than I thought I could take, turns out the more you endure the harder you are to break.
I am anything but fake real mistakes that I cannot erase everyday I make. My own problems
I now knowingly create. That is the difference between the way I used to be way back when and how I am today. At. This exact moment in time. Always traveling outside the parameters of my own mind seeking out what I doubt I'll ever find. This world has a lot of out of way places, mostly unkind. A character once assassinated is much harder to define. What is next in destiny's design? Im a perfect **** up who is getting ****** up perfectly. That is a certainty. Nowadays it feels like it's been an Eternity. Eternally I hold everything inside til I implode Internally. It's an uncomfortable uncertainty. That Inadvertently builds such a sense of urgency it really becomes a state of emergency.

When it all gets to be too much I look at my daughters' faces, they alone are the reasons I'm not just another angel who's fallen from grace. They usually trip the monsters that give me chase. Even though they quickly catch up like I've been just running in place. Nowadays I am a erratic basket case, especially when these tears i taste. Like a cadet it's then i blast off into outer space. What a ******* waste. I've become a person who is misplaced.
Nothing more than a **** disgrace. Who cannot seem to keep up the pace in this so-called rat race.
I give the Lord every bit of the praise my heart still aches as on me these dark thoughts still heavily weigh. If you ask me there is a fine line between being stupid and being brave. I know every sin of mine God has forgave. Death's bouquets still cover the stench of anything that is half decayed. Once enslaved by same old **** replayed on another day. **** I have already set it all ablaze so like ashes left in a fireplace I let it all burn the flames never cease to amaze you'd be surprised by all the people that come at me sideways. Sometimes before the come and throw me in my grave I wonder if I will break these chains and learn that instead of being good at it, it's probably so much easier to just behave.