what if
we get to be happy
we get to get what we want
what if we can choose to be ourselves
to live life out loud
yesterday
as I danced on the dance floor
and I saw all of the old men
that I used to like
I didn't feel anything at all
just a joy that i chose myself
over them
that I get to dance
and live my beautiful non religious life
that I chose for myself
that in so many ways
I chose peace over terror
over chaous over drama
I chose myself
over my traumatic past
I chose me
over the men
who hurt me and used me
I chose me
over the girlfriends who used me and abused me
I choose to listen to myself
when I feel the vibes are off
I choose me
over the bad
I choose me always
I choose my inner child's joys
I choose to look weird
and to feel happier
I choose to dance in the streets
from joy
from the beautiful music
swimming through my veins
I am choosing to heal myself
my life and my traumas
I am choosing to believe
in the goodness of the world
of people
even though for so long
I have mostly only seen and noticed
the darkness
the bleakness of life
I feel aged inside as if I have lived thousands of years
of darkness
who is finally waking up to something else
to choosing something new
perhaps for the first time
who is choosing to end cycles of pain
that has been in my bloodlines for so long
I choose for me
I choose to live with more gratitude
I choose to cry
I choose to feel
I choose to breathe
I choose to believe  
I choose to see
how beautiful the journey
can be.
I choose.