I WAS A FOOTNOTE IN THIS CHAPTER OF MY OWN LIFE

looks at the world as if
it had offended her
by being only what it is

as if the potted plant
had slapped her
across the face

or a passing cloud
had photobombed
the picture of herself

her heart feels
'two sizes too small'
for this self she is

she wishes  either
the world or herself
would just go away

she tears off
the scabs of self
until she bleeds

she is shipwrecked
on this island of
who she is

she wants to
die but
is afraid of dying

sleep offers her
the only release
now if she can only

fight off
the dreams that
torment her

*

We had been looking at her photo album...at all the various selves she had been over her 70 years or so. I was now looking at a beautiful photograph of a beautiful young girl and she went "Yuck...I hated being her!"

She laughs and says "I wouldn't want to be sweet sixteen ever again...it was a terrible time for me....I was not a happy girl...it wasn't until I was 21 that I could escape this version of me!"