i have to wake up in 3 1/2 hours.
all for something id rather die than do.
most of my days are spent with nausea and fear. of what, i will never know.

how do i have so many thoughts, and yet none at all, all at once ?
how do i make it stop ?
i can’t distinguish between different thoughts and everything is starting to bleed together.

the tires are slipping and i can’t help but to long for them to finally give out.
one day they’ll completely give way.
one day it’ll all come crashing down for good.

i cant be here anymore, but i cant be there either.
nowhere feels fit.
heaven sounds nice.
but i cant be sure that im making it there.
too much has happened. ive happened.
does heaven hold places for goblins ?

i dont know what it feels like anymore.
maybe it’s a Boulder laid out across my chest.
maybe a parrot perched on my shoulder.
maybe its a dunk tank and the target was finally hit. but i cant get out. the surface is further and further away.
but the glass is still there.