If this pain doesn't stop
I may be tempted to try to stop it
with a more abrupt pain,
such as pills, a needle or a bullet.

I know that's selfish
and melodramatic,
but it seems like a better choice
than being aware of this pain.

That's how bad it hurts.
I cannot escape it.

I drown in it.
-
I won't **** myself.
I won't let this win.
I will prevail;
perseverance will better me, I hope,
otherwise it's a delusion.