Anxious


Finger tapping on chair,

Foot tapping on floor

Heart tapping


Beating


Pounding in your chest.


What will the doctor say?

Will she be all right?


Pretending to read

Mind swarming

You can’t

Flipping through pages

Faster

And faster and faster


Breathe


The doctor comes out


Your heart

It stops


The doctor

Has a poker face


A smile

Plastered on


They all have them

They put them on like their masks


Keeping the bad stuff out

Bad stuff


You see right through it

His disguise

This masquerade


You’ve entered into it

Your heart is starting to put a mask on


Slowly but simply


The words spill out

Of the masked figure


She couldn’t …


Then silence

Deafening silence


Silence droning out the other noises


Silence


Tears


Springing from behind your mask

The mask you put on this morning

When you took her here


Tears that don’t stop

Won’t stop

Can’t


Tears


You walk blindly

Into the room


The one with HER


Your blurred vision

Doesn’t let you see

Her


You cry some more

Harder now


Your heart

Is breaking

It split open

The wound seems too deep

Nothing will help


Nothing


You look at her face

Gentle with helplessness

Stillness covers her

Stillness broken with sobs


You touch her arm

SHE”S ALIVE!

You scream in your head

You keep screaming till you’re too weak to move


She’s dead















You wake up 

Dried crusted tears

Around your eyes

You scratch at them


You look out the window 

You keep thinking of her


You keep crying


Another box of tissues in the trash

You sit in darkness 

You stare

Into space

You sob


You blame yourself


I KILLED HER

You say to yourself


You didn’t **** her

You saw death take her

That’s all


You didn’t **** her

Your friends

Come to talk to you


Go away

You don’t want to talk

You want to hide

You want to stay frozen 

In time and space


You will never be happy again

You will always think of her


Lies

Lies that you keep telling yourself


Your friends

Want to help you


They want to start mending the wounds

The wounds in your heart

They don’t want it to get “infected”


Let me bleed you say

Let me DIE


They want to help you

They want to touch the most painful spots on your heart

And stay there 


Not just staring

But applying ointment on the cracks

But not just putting Band-Aids over the cracks


They want to know what happened

HOW you got hurt


They want to hug you

Cry with you


But also move on


Are they going too fast?


Or does it just hurt to put ointment on the places that hurt the most

Remind you of her?

Does it hurt?

































You’re MAD

You rip your hair out trying to blame yourself

She died


What did you do?

Why did she die?



You’re mad


Your heart pounds

It hurts from the wounds but you don’t care


It’s ripping and tearing

It’s bleeding and crying for ointment

Crying for help


You don’t care


Your head is burning

With a fever of confusion

Why did it happen?

What was it that I did to make her die?

Your fever is getting hotter and hotter

Soon you will burn up


Soon you will be burnt out


Can’t take anymore


It hurts


You don’t care


It stings


You don’t care


It aches


It hurts


You hurt

You’re at rest

Your body is peaceful

Your mind is restful


You can think clearly


You walk outside

Feel the sun shining down your face

It stings

But in a good way


You walk by the pond

Your favorite spot

HER favorite spot


You both used to…


You cry

Your heart is still healing

It’s still fragile

Still tender


Still raw


You wipe your eyes

Bite your lip


And keep walking


You’re moving on


You’ll still cry


You’ll still get mad


But you’ll have peace


It will still hurt


Less and less each day


Love will live on


In your heart


Your healing heart