Why do I feel
That even on my good days
Something is wrong?
Something aches terribly?
Perhaps if I couldn’t feel
The looming shadows of my past
Threats for my future
All this damage...
It just sits in the back of my mind
It chatters and buzzes
A droning white noise
A constant reminder
That I was not okay
That I may not be okay
That I can’t trust myself
That I can’t trust my mind
And it makes anything
Literally anything at all
That could quiet the noise
Just for a little while...
Sound so tempting
The mere thought makes me weak
If it’s reckless, even better.
If it hurts, I deserve it.
Please, just stop the white noise....