Feb 2013
there is always smoke
but I never burn the food
if I ever had the chance to stir myself
little wings above your head
they float on and I fill my water
not because I'm thirsty
but because I want something to sip on
when things get musty, when silence is stale
and hopefully the bed isn't cold and hopefully
it's late enough
tied as always to my busy schedule and I
don't want to hear that I'm boring
tell that to my future, I'll have fun when I don't
have to worry about getting there and **** I have fun but don't you know there are more ways of having fun there is a whole world out there and it has secrets that would thrill and I want to explore those depths not the depths of a bowl to see if it's dead and really
I don't care if its legal I don't care if it exists
so why do you and what does that mean
for your future for my future do you even think that far ahead but really you should its not that far ahead I am sick of wondering and why do I have
to, do you understand that life isn't full of burnt raw paper and
plants and that I think adults and families shouldn't have that around
except for RARE nights maybe when then kids are spending the night
to indulge but you can't indulge in double fudge brownies with ice cream
every night because you'd get sick aren't you sick yet you've been shoveling the
dessert down for years promised it would end here and there and later and if and when
but if its legal but if im sick but if I need to sleep but but but what if I don't want to be
around that and what if I don't want to hear about it all the time and what if you sell drugs and what if you hang out with drug dealers and what if you don't encourage any sort of spiritual growth and what if sometimes you get angry for no reason whatsoever and what if you make me feel uncomfortable naked sometimes and what if you want to make forts when I want to go out and enjoy life's whispers and what if you dont understand that when I am sick I don't want to be in a crowded room watching you talk to a fellow *** head who can't even complete her math hw because smoking is so much better and so much more important that you have to hit and hit and hit and hit and hit and HIT and I am sick of being smacked around by something that doesn't even carry importance in my life and I am sick of being smacked around by something that has imprisoned the most important person in my life but he is not in prison he's in paradise and I just want that fairy tale but my fairy tale I don't care about glass slippers just a cozy fire here and there but what does that matter anyway because no one is going to write me a poem and no one is going to post a note to my window and no one is going to bring me a coffee because I am obsessed and no one is going to say ok you said no I'll stop trying to make you fat and no one is going to say if it bothers you I have no problem doing less because I have said I want to do that but actually nothing has changed and I grow poison and I nurture poison and I eat poison to see the stars but really sometimes I see monsters and the truth and the truth is a miasma of blubbering goo and I hate the smell and I hate the residue and all I want is a breath of fresh air which I thought at last I had found but it turns out you might be just a disappointment like I have never experienced before but that just can't be true that would be a blind fold I never felt and I love you and I see so much more than in the moment but sometimes the smoke is so dense in the room that I can't see past it and all that's visible is a bottle of stale water a pen full of ink and no inspiration whatsoever.
but I never burn the food
if I ever had the chance to stir myself
little wings above your head
they float on and I fill my water
not because I'm thirsty
but because I want something to sip on
when things get musty, when silence is stale
and hopefully the bed isn't cold and hopefully
it's late enough
tied as always to my busy schedule and I
don't want to hear that I'm boring
tell that to my future, I'll have fun when I don't
have to worry about getting there and **** I have fun but don't you know there are more ways of having fun there is a whole world out there and it has secrets that would thrill and I want to explore those depths not the depths of a bowl to see if it's dead and really
I don't care if its legal I don't care if it exists
so why do you and what does that mean
for your future for my future do you even think that far ahead but really you should its not that far ahead I am sick of wondering and why do I have
to, do you understand that life isn't full of burnt raw paper and
plants and that I think adults and families shouldn't have that around
except for RARE nights maybe when then kids are spending the night
to indulge but you can't indulge in double fudge brownies with ice cream
every night because you'd get sick aren't you sick yet you've been shoveling the
dessert down for years promised it would end here and there and later and if and when
but if its legal but if im sick but if I need to sleep but but but what if I don't want to be
around that and what if I don't want to hear about it all the time and what if you sell drugs and what if you hang out with drug dealers and what if you don't encourage any sort of spiritual growth and what if sometimes you get angry for no reason whatsoever and what if you make me feel uncomfortable naked sometimes and what if you want to make forts when I want to go out and enjoy life's whispers and what if you dont understand that when I am sick I don't want to be in a crowded room watching you talk to a fellow *** head who can't even complete her math hw because smoking is so much better and so much more important that you have to hit and hit and hit and hit and hit and HIT and I am sick of being smacked around by something that doesn't even carry importance in my life and I am sick of being smacked around by something that has imprisoned the most important person in my life but he is not in prison he's in paradise and I just want that fairy tale but my fairy tale I don't care about glass slippers just a cozy fire here and there but what does that matter anyway because no one is going to write me a poem and no one is going to post a note to my window and no one is going to bring me a coffee because I am obsessed and no one is going to say ok you said no I'll stop trying to make you fat and no one is going to say if it bothers you I have no problem doing less because I have said I want to do that but actually nothing has changed and I grow poison and I nurture poison and I eat poison to see the stars but really sometimes I see monsters and the truth and the truth is a miasma of blubbering goo and I hate the smell and I hate the residue and all I want is a breath of fresh air which I thought at last I had found but it turns out you might be just a disappointment like I have never experienced before but that just can't be true that would be a blind fold I never felt and I love you and I see so much more than in the moment but sometimes the smoke is so dense in the room that I can't see past it and all that's visible is a bottle of stale water a pen full of ink and no inspiration whatsoever.
