my brain overtrained in ways to say no, ways to guard my well being
why is it that I never listen to my brain until it's too late, why do I disregard the gut feeling telling me I don't need to drown myself in my terrible habits
that these habits can take everything away from me
my brain is the only thing telling me no
it used to be a whisper, but now it's a stern voice
it's progress but it's nothing in comparison to the rest of my body screaming yes
my heart beating wildly in my chest and my veins burning in my body
when I need reassurance I tell myself just one more time
sometimes I don't even try to hide it, I'm lying to myself and I know it
I'm watching myself act like a ****** in it for the thrill
the funny thing is I know I'm not stupid, I know I'm able
but I'm weak and my body bends at the knees everytime I find a way to get myself off
I act like someone completely different than I feel
I make these decisions wildly, ignoring the sweet, smart girl I am