IF ONLY..
Deadly combination of words that plague,
cutting into daily activities to disable.

A second guessing prop
used by ego to keep
me in head. It plays regularly
inching its way into depression.

IF ONLY, I took action to let my son in
when I felt hurt and sad.
IF ONLY I cut off my feelings
and let my sister dishonor me
by saying nothing.
IF ONLY I called my brother more
even though he showed no interest in me...
Maybe then the game would continue
and I wouldn’t feel so alone.

IF ONLY my words and behavior of uniqueness wasn't so different, maybe my parents and siblings and son could see me as divine instead of someone who needed to be changed.

My ONLY answer comes in prayer asking for help
and connecting to who I am.

My ONLY answer comes when I align not with ego but with spiritual principles that say things happen for a reason.

And SO from distance I send them love
knowing I am a trooper meant to GO IT ALONE.

Meant to share my gifts with the world unscarred
from others who don’t understand.

BUT WHO IS KIDDING WHO...IT STILL HURT.