And some days
I don’t even want to eat
Evolutionary phenomena
Distorting my own body
Obsession with being empty
And some times
I wanna plug my nose
And have the inside of head
Cloud with deep breaths
Scratch behind my eyelids
Please
My mind is destroying me
I am desperate
I am on a life boat
In the middle of the sea
There’s isn’t that much life left in me
No one is coming to rescue me
I am alone
The same way
I have always been
Neglect hides In my teeth
My parents didn’t take care of me
My dad never said I love you  
Old cavities

the worst lie i ever told was "i love you"
my best truth was realizing it

i'm going to die
that part is inevitable
you aren't going to miss me
i wish that part was avoidable
but chances are
when i gasp for one last breath
you'll be somewhere laughing
while my spirit releases into the air
like one of those balloons that kids only love for 5 minutes

the phone rings in the middle of the night, it's not my father, he doesn't even know what i look like
to have love reciprocated, that's all i really want
abandonment seems like a sweet gesture at this point
i'm tired of threatening and being threatened
i wish someone would just follow through
but then again,
who am i to speak?
endless days in the emergency room,
countless attempts,
no resolve.
no one cares.
when did that happen?
i try not to dwell on the past.
but is it dwelling if i can't tell the difference between 3 years ago and now?

you said you
didn’t mean it
I guess
that makes it
all okay.