I confessed my sins
I let all the toxic filth drip down my face
Come out of my mouth
I showed you my blackened heart
Sitting deep in my chest
I opened my thoughts
And you closed your eyes and pretended
You never saw

i can't seem to breathe without your touch


i can't seem to live without you here

I can't sleep
My heart is wide awake
I can't breathe without your pheromones filling my lungs  
They're like earth and mud and the good kind of sweat all mixed up in one
But I can't quite catch your smell anymore
My heart is left without it's oxygen supply
So I'll stay up and feel my heart slowly suffocate

It's ironic how quick you flee
It's almost funny how fast I tumble back down
But it's not funny
Because rock bottom doesn't feel so nice when you've felt the kisses of the clouds

Climb down into the bright, raspberry red of my heart
Can you hear how it beats for you?

Wrap your ocean arms around me
I want you to pull me into your depths
It's only there that I feel home

Can you tell I'm breathing easier?
Or maybe I'm just breathless

To the man who is supposed to be my hero
You are my villain
To the man who is supposed to be my protector
You are my attacker
To the man who is supposed to lift me
You are the reason I fall down

Where did you go and why did you leave me?
Was I not good enough for your companionship?
I can't remember the last time I felt you around
Did you quietly slip away into the setting sun or were you more like the switch of a light, suddenly gone?
I know it wasn't your fault
It was mine
For changing
For wanting to grow
I pulled away thinking you'd follow along
But you didn't
The string was cut
The sever was left frayed and uneven
And I can't get it back because time doesn't work that way
I want to move forward
But I'm stumbling around in the dark
Waiting for the spark of your love to ignite back inside me

to watch the laughter play across your face
is to watch the sun rise finally break across the horizon

behind my eyes
you're so clear

when i open them
i almost expect you
to be laying there
next to me

but each time
there's only empty space
to match my empty
heart

I would say "I love you forever" but forever still doesn't seem long enough

Today, I watched a dying cockroach try and drag itself across my bathroom floor
It couldn't even drag itself properly

Sometimes I feel like that
Like the dying cockroach who can't even drag itself properly to the unknown safety of beyond

Would you let me hear your heartbeat?
Does it sound the same as mine?
I'm convinced that you're too divine to be made of the same parts as me

I want to hear your heartbeat every night before I sleep
I want to fill in the small pauses between beats with love and joy
I am not worthy of that
But somehow you still let me
You say your heart is mine

How did I ever get so lucky?

I want to be your ocean tide.
Let me pull you in.
You can discover my deep depths.
The parts where the sun can't even reach.

Let me glimmer in the moonlight.
Take a plunge in my waves.

Do you feel me in the wind?
Because I feel you.

I want to feel your arms around me again
The heat of your skin against mine
The way I can feel your heartbeat in your chest

I wish you would see me when the sunlight plays with the colors of  daisies
Can I at least pretend you do?

I want your lips gently pressed on mine
I want to hear your laugh again
I want to breathe in your heavenly smell and forever get lost it
I want to see the way your eyes light up with fire when you look at me

But I can't

Because you're gone

Do you feel me in the wind?
Because I feel you.

I love you

I love you with all my heart and soul

But do I love you enough to let you go?

my love for you fizzled up
like soda left on the counter
like a fish with no water
slowly inhaling what kills it

i don't know when it happened
im not even quite sure why
but sometimes you stepped on my emotional mines without even realizing they were there
exploding inside my heart
ripping me up inside
i know you didn't mean it
but i didn't need someone else making me feel like i wasn't good enough
maybe that's why i pulled away
maybe i was the air that ****** the carbonation out
maybe i drowned myself
i'm sorry i couldn't be what you wanted
i'm sorry i let myself get in the way of our beautiful
i often do that
my emotional scars can be quite fragile
the stitches are still in place
the wounds barely healed
i'm sorry you couldn't make me feel good enough
maybe because you are so much greater
maybe it was just the wrong time
i'm not sure
but i'm sorry

'Hello, old friends' I say
As the voices in my head come rushing in
I thought I got rid of you
I thought I was
Beautiful
Stunning
Gorgeous
Magnificent
They smirk at me
Because we both know those things
Are
Not
True

I'm always giving myself away
Only to find a "Not A Through Street" at the end of each adventure

You say that you love me
I believe you because
I'm drowning in your love
You may think "how romantic"
But it's not
Because it's creeping higher and higher
And I know one day
I won't be able to breathe
It'll slowly creep in
And
Crush my lungs
Your love is killing me

Do you ever  feel like screaming?
Or is that just me?
I want to feel the anger trapped inside my chest burst.
I want to capture in my hands
And eat it alive.
I want to feel it squirm and wiggle with fright
Before I take the first bite.

"You are what you eat," they say.
That's strange.
I don't remember eating this pain.

It's okay to cry
It's okay to fall apart
It's okay to feel the world crushing in around you
It's okay to want to smash your face against a wall
It's okay to feel so empty you question if you're even alive

Is there anyway I could just die without really dying?
Maybe all my atoms could just simply be absorbed back into earth
They could create something more useful and pretty
Maybe my soul could be swept up in the wind
It could whisper sweet messages to all those who need it
Maybe my pain could create a deep, engulfing canyon
And all those who come across it could understand why

the sigh of a feather reminds me of the color of your eyes

why must i feel so deeply
sometimes its nice
i love deeply
i'm happy deeply
i give deeply

but
i'm sad deeply
hurt deeply
frustrated deeply
drowning deeply in the chaos of these emotions

i love the sound of the rain and the smell of you

I'm going to be honest, my sweet love
I never meant to fall in love with you
But as soon as I started falling,
I couldn't stop
Like a downward pull of an ocean current
The waters of your love fills up my lungs
And I promise you,
They are the sweetest breaths I have ever taken

I feel as if I'm wearing a t shirt soaked in my past sadness
Always slightly weighing me down
I don't want my past to be the whole sum of me
But it seems like all the numbers are adding up quite nicely

i miss the towering, snowcapped mountains
the blue of your eyes
the chill in the air
the warmth of your hands

I love the way our names rhyme
Right down to our nicknames
Maybe I'm being a romantic but I feel like it's a sign
A sign that we cannot part
Because everything we say and do is in the perfect iambic pentameter
Measured so fittingly together
In perfect harmony
In a lovely melody
A cadence and rhythm I know all the words to
An overwhelming happiness I can live my life to

I want to breathe you in
and know every inch of you
The deep thoughts in your mind you keep so hidden, guarded up and locked away
I want to know them all
Oh my dear, my love, my everything
Let me swim in your oceans
Unlock the gates
and make you mine forever

tender, soft kisses
clasped, cold hands
the warmth of your breath against my neck
the blue of your eyes
the sound of your voice
the taste of your lips
darling, you don't understand how badly I crave you

my instincts are telling me to pull away
but I just want to stay

Sometimes I feel like I've come so far
that I forget how easy it is to fall
down
down
down
to the pit of despair

oh my darling,
i would give you the stars
i would give you the oceans
and all the creatures in the forest
i would build you a universe
full of all the things that make you happy

but oh my darling,
all i have to give you is
my love
my heart
and all you have is
your love
and heart
and that is all i'll ever need
i love every inch

My chest is filled with black
But is it filled with black?
Or is it so empty it's black?
I can't tell because
The blackness has spread to my head
And all my axons have stopped firing

My heart aches with the longing of you
There's no one else who fits me quite so right
This distance is killing me
I need to feel your touch
I don't think I can make it much longer without the sensation of your lips on me
But I'd wait forever if that's what it took
Because I love you
My heart is yours
I am yours
I used to have this fear that I was never good enough
But it's different this time
This distance is killing me
I want to show you how I feel with tender kisses and warm hand holding
My heart may ache
But I will always love you

i know that you were made for me
every inch, every heartbeat
a gift from heaven

i had forgotten what it felt like
the rush
the endless laughter
the smell of you on me
the look you give
the heat of your skin on mine
the way my heart feels
and i wonder how i ever forgot

i can breathe you in forever
i missed your smell
your taste
the pounding in my chest
your arms around me
i searched for you in all the wrong places
all the wrong people
i was just trying to find a glimpse of you
but now you're mine again
and my heart is all yours

you were the sweetest man to live
your kindness
your happiness
your love
radiated from your body
I bet Death smiled when he kissed your lips and took your last breath
because even he felt your love

I love the sound of your voice
The way you say my name is heaven
Your laugh is the ever constant warmth of the sun
I want to hide in all the lows
Climb all the highs
Your voice is mine to hear forever  
It twines around my heart
And with every beat is love for the sound of you

i want to wrap you in my love
breathe in our warmth
melt in your arms

there's a cave inside of me
dark and dripping in blackness
it's where i run and hide
when life comes crashing down
some may find it lonely
but don't worry, darling
the echo of my screams and strangled cries
soothe my tears away

I want know how you love me
When I'm a complete mess
Stitches barely hanging on
Standing at the edge of the dark valley I just clambered out of
Tear streaked cheeks
The smell of sadness still clinging to my clothes
The echo of those evil words still ring in my head
And you're all wrapped perfectly
So put together
I feel selfish to have you
I feel selfish for burdening you with me

I don't think I've ever met someone as special as you
You could hold my heart forever
You're filled with tender sweetness  
You're my refuge
You're my greatest adventure
You're only made up of kindness
You're the missing joy in my life
Your very existence fascinates me
You're
You
And quite frankly I couldn't imagine anyone better

you make me want to write poetry
and paint the sky with this feeling inside
breathe in your heartbeat
run through the clouds
and swim through the ocean of you
this time I'm never letting go
because now I know
there's only one you
only one of this feeling
the only one who makes me want to write poetry

I could hold you close to me forever
Feel the beat of your heart against mine
Perfectly in sync
Filled with love
Joy
I am finally complete

sometimes you make me want to cry
not because I'm sad
quite the opposite, in fact
i can't contain this love i feel
it spills over and splashes on everything

I want to capture this feeling in a tiny glass vial
And send it you
And maybe when you get it
You can have a little taste
And maybe if I'm lucky
You'll say
You feel it too

i am neither here nor there
but i think of you everywhere