As of today
My friends no longer have rights.
Their lives are not protected by
The state constitution.

Their civil liberties gone
Because of weak men.
Because of weak women who
Protect cowardly men.

They say, "We'll all die someday"
And shrug their shoulders.
As if it's out of their hands
When they've calculated this.

They wait til midnight hours
To pass criminal bills.
They bury our futures in the
Small print of 'lesser' concerns.

The world is screaming
And my heart is heavy.
This is day one.

I wasn't ready,
And like all things restless
It captured my attention.
Puzzle pieces fit together so well
When they have to.

Like a bailiff warranting a confession,
Anything's possible.
I'm stretched thin across the
Map of my responsibilities.
Strangled by sweaty sheets,
I surrender to these symptoms.

Parallel lives are born
As days blend into hallucination.
I want myself back.
I want Christmas lights and
Hardwood floors that warm me.
Where things slow down and songs are
Written in great attics of love.

These pieces of my forgotten history
Breathe life into my cells,
For better or worse.
Fighting between unconscious
And self conscious, I'm left waiting.

How long I've waited to make sense of this.
I need more than the promise of tomorrow.
In this body both worlds collide
In a miasma of sweat.
Even my dreams are hot to the touch.

Size up your lover for me.
Elated and bouyant,
I bet they wax electric in your eyes.
It's not a surprise that I'm a mess again.
I whisper secrets into origami
Hoping they bring you back to me.
Remember all those nights we loved?

With paint brush arms we
Painted pastel sunsets.
The morning became a Picasso
We hung up to dry.
With fingers stitched together
We had hang overs for breakfast.
DIY and so beautiful,
It still lifts a storm.

We owls are pretending to be
Wise with our fate.
Those good old days are
Best left declawed.
Let the hanged man have his whiskey slur.
I miss your tigers' eye
Casting sparks under my pillow.

Let me offer you,
Stubborn and sensible,
A wild recalesence.
I am as useful as a unicorn
In the mess of leftovers paradise.
Holding a sign saying welcome home.

Love is an adventure
And yes you are a piece of work.
Available when I no longer trust you,
I'm starved for something better than
This vaccuum you call love.

Bursting into the ether, you will
Finally know how I feel by way of
Collective consciousness.

You have the vocabulary of rice
And the presence of a bullet.
Hitting so close to its mark but
Only for a second.

This payback is what keeps us from each other.
In gun metal fashion you
Read my teeth like a manuscript.
Clumsy is for someone else,
An altar boy with flowers for hands.

Full of unanswered questions,
The pull between our magnets goes unsatisfied.
Round after round I surrender to
The phantom limb in my heart.

I'm buried under the rubble of
False teeth and shell casings.
You might not ever see me again.
This is torment in every language,
International dejection.

Dancing in the rain,
In our underwear, in the street.
The heavens wipe away my tears
Before they ever reach your feet.

Think of me during every downpour,
Drenching your senses.
I am the echo to your thunderclap
Shining electric.

Delicious torment.
Satisfying as a scab.
Patient, violent, and kind.
The masochists' wine.

Fruition fermented.
Succulent, seductive.
A painful map of desire.
Terrifying and everlasting.
Your ghost sits well over my frame.
My visage as honest.

Comfortable and compatible.
Our cracked hearts sprout
A flowering display
Of fingers laced around sleep.

Warm hellos and soft goodbyes
Are no longer welcome here.
Like a thief in the morning
You wrestle my demons dear.

Wipe the sleep from your eyelids
The blankets are everywhere.
Wash your face, make the tea,
Breakfast moves slowly here.

Truth be told and other lies
Mirror that stubborn stare.
Sunny skies and cloudy nights,
The gravity you can't bear.

Softly step over the laundry,
Keep clean for the things you wear.
Was it you, or was it me
Who managed to finally care.
Dear John

Dear Handsome,
It's me the self saboteur.
I love you and wanted you to stay.
My heart felt at home in your presence again.
Those cheekbones and curls get me
Every time.

Makes me weak in my **** knees.
Your quiet bravado gets my attention
And the swirl on your skin keeps it.
I've told everyone but you,
Let me serenade us into oblivion.

I wanted to believe you
When you said you wanted me.
I turned my mistakes into a life sentence.
Please know my actions were
Never out of malice.
I'll love you deeply
At the distance of your choosing.
Thank you for every minute because
I've loved you and you with it.

Oh the bravery it takes to show up
When you only know how to run.
A current of passion
I couldn't keep up with.
This rice paper library
Expands and contracts,
Shaking my wooden heart from its rest.

I wanted to be your person for decades.
This tarot love translates as me being
Too much or not enough, never just right.
My anxiety still crafts tales about
Why you wait to reel me back in.
Throwing blame like confetti,
This beast comes back and it's
Always hungrier once you've left.
Convincing me this daydream
Is the only way forward.

I wish this love had
The room to grow it deserves,
Not this quantum entanglement.
You've proven I'm best on paper
As an examined interpretation.
I'm under your microscope,
Come in, look close, and focus well.
Dissect me further as you see fit.

The engine of your absence
Haunts me still.
Infinite and anxious,
I'm shedding one painful scale at a time.
Cheers to these feelings that won't leave,
And this heart that loves to break.

You want to settle down
Anywhere but here and it kills me.
I remember dancing in the rain
After I finally came back.
These days you dance with strangers,
Too busy to say hello
While loving the world without me.
Your voice and silhouette
Are just out of reach.
Baptizing my chapters
With chance encounters.

I thought we were books
On the same **** shelf.
A treasure map of clues to
Piece our picture back together.
Our recalesence is waiting
Behind every apology I have.

All the things I wanted to say but didn't.
The mixed tapes you'll never hear,
The poems you'll never see.
The eternity I waited just to stumble again.
A novel of drafts becoming
Old fibers worn thin.
They can't help but unravel you with me.
An infinity of trees
Ring, after ring, after ring..