she
still
loves
him

Falling
Freely
 Now

                                                           ­                                    Pitter-
                                                         ­                                       Patter
                   ­                                                                 ­           Plop


                        Peaceful
                         ­ Breath
                          Taken





                    ­                                Watching
                        ­                            Raindrops
                           ­                              Fall

I must be
d
e
l
u
s
i
o
n
a
l

How else can you explain the stubborn butterflies in my stomach?

They are maroon and baby blue, and look like seashells and melodic laughter

You make me feel
ok

I didn't know I was still capable of that

When everything is falling apart
You are the glue holding me together

I don't understand. I thought only God was perfect,
but you are nothing if not perfection

I adore you-
talking to you
and laughing with you
and putting my head on your shoulder
(you said you like it)
and any time I am around you,
just watching you
hearing you
basking in your beauty

You are as beautiful as the masterpieces you create
I wish you were mine
You will never be mine

You deserve the world
I wish I could give you the world
I wish you could look at me the way I
look
at
you

I wish we could be
more
than
friends

That when I want to kiss you so bad it hurts,
I don't have to stop myself
Squeeze my eyes shut
One, two, three
Open
Take a deep breath
and go back to being
f  r  i  e  n  d  s

I love being your friend
(I love you)
I want to be your friend forever
But I want to be the friend you kiss
the friend you curl up on the couch with,
entwined together
sharing a blanket and watching whatever you want
The friend you confide in, whisper in my ear all of your secrets and pain
The friend you let hold you close, and tell you how beautiful you are
and not in a platonic way

Because you are the cool breeze sending shivers up my spine
And you are the Caribbean sun bringing peace and warmth to my soul
You are the crash of the waves against the rapid beating of my heart
You are a multitude of maroon butterflies flurrying in my stomach
You are my siren song, luring me into the pain of loving you
You are my undoing
and it is an honor

Part of me hopes I move on
But another part of me, a desperate and passionate part of me, swears I never will.

And some tiny part of me still holds on to the
d
e
l
u
s
i
o
n
that you see me the same way

I always knew I was crazy,
but this is just
depressing

Because we're best friends
And you don't have a clue

How I wrap you in a tight hug and find it near impossible to let go
I breathe you in as tears ***** at my eyes
I whisper a goodbye and a "love you" in your ear
Because best friends are allowed to do that
Then, I watch you walk away
as I cry a little on the inside
ok, cry a lot on the inside

I hate school
but I still look forward to every exhausting day
because I get to be exhausted with you
Because you'll be there
and that makes it worth it

Do you even notice me as more than a friend to laugh with?
Do you think about me when you sit alone in your room at night?
Think about my singing, or the way I looked at you when I told you how perfect you are?
The way I tuck my hair behind my ears when I work
Or how I'm always so excited when you ask me for a mint
Or how I trust you more than anyone else?

Do you notice little things about me
like I do about you?

Like how adorable your laugh is, and how it hitches slightly depending on your mood
Your giggle of alarm and delight when I try to trip you and somehow end up tripping myself
The way you examine yourself in the mirror, searching for a nonexistent flaw
How you still ask me about the state of your lipliner, even after I accidentally let you walk around with a bit of it on your chin before you noticed
How you secretly love singing, but are too shy to do it in front of people
How absolutely hilarious you are when people care enough to listen
The way you squint when you draw, turning your head every which way to perfect every line, every detail
The way you flush with quiet pride when people compliment your work

I can't imagine life without you
But I imagine life with you
all
the
time

It hurts to keep this a secret
But you can never know
I refuse to ruin our friendship
It's all that's keeping me sane

It must not be doing a very good job though, because I'm still
d
e
l
u
s
i
o
n
a
l

Explain
                                            To
                                        
                                            Me
h
    o
        w

I can be


F       a      L    L  i     Ng             aP            A                  r              t          

AND BE SO numb

I am

W
h
o
l
e
A
n
d
E
m
p
t
y

all
at
once

How DARE you do this to me? You know how hard it is for me to
Open my mind to others, to trust anyone. I trusted you.
Why don't you understand the enormity of that?

Deep inside, I know you meant no harm. Or did you?
All the paranoia is rushing back and I'm sinking deeper in my own
Righteous insanity as I spiral in panic and fury. This is the
End of everything

You don't get it! I tried to explain it but you don't see how you're
Obliterating everything I've worked so hard for! Why don't you
Understand that you're ruining my life?

Doing this, telling them, betraying my trust in this
Overzealously evil way, nothing will ever be the same.

This is only proving to me what you've been trying so
Hard to erase from my mind: that
I can't trust ANYONE, or maybe I just can't trust adults,
Since I told plenty of friends and they didn't care

Truthfully, I'm getting a bit tired of all this. What's next?
Obviously, my whole center of gravity is about to shift.

Maybe everything will be ok? No, this is the beginning of the
End

Love is its own telepathic language/that we will never truly be able to translate/no matter how hard we try/how much we ramble on/in poetic verse/trying to explain something using sound waves/I wish I could open my mind up to you/so you could feel the telepathic love I write each day/in my heart/ like a passionate song/ in a drowned ship in a bottle/stained and covered by water/so all the ink blurs/ you can no longer read it/but you know whatever is hidden there is profound