I'm zoned
Brains foggy
Can't even hold a conversation
With those closest to me
All this vocabulary
And I've run out of things to say
So I just talk ****
To fill the silence for a bit
But I can't be arsed
I quit
How bout you take over for a sec
Cause it's not just my responsibility
To remain enthusiastic
Asterisk
*having or showing intense and eager enjoyment, interest, or approval
Yeah,that's effort
haven't felt that way for a while
and I won't force it
So you speak
And maybe I'll listen
If it's not more of the same
Look up once or twice
If you say my name
Get annoyed that I'm in a stupor
Don't be so vain!
Can't you see it's just my brain
No one's home
It's nodded off again
I'm in The nil zone
But What can I say
I'm prone!
I won't pretend
Its a Shame
You're not entertained
but this Influx of Hormones
Got me feelin like being alone today
Hand me some chocolate
And some dumbed down TV
Oh ****! Just my luck I've given up dairy!
No ***** to give, I'm gettin none today
Just my luck I'm feelin hella *****
And my boyfriends away
But **** it, I'm tired anyway
Frustration got me in disarray
******* Sun! I didn't see you today
It's gloomy, I'm angry, I'm stressed
Call the A team
Here comes Mr P.M.T and Mrs P.M.S

Bambi knew way too much

Far too young

Watched Mama get shot in front

Of eyes and ears just opening

Deafening Death

When Life had just begun

Seems like
Words are failing
Maybe We should use our mouths
For other things

How about kissing?
Right there
On that part of my naval
As I brush your hair

Maybe I'll let out a little sigh
As you linger there for a while
Look up and smile
Pretty eyes got me gazing

Words may be failing but
There's other ways to speak
Your hands gently trailing
got my body feeling Weak

Self control startin to slip
Better watch my mouth
As I bite your lip
It stings
But not the way words do
No need for censorship

This mouths being used for other things

Maybe to let out a laugh,a little grin
As you make your move
To help me relax and
Leave your mark on my skin

Raising the heat
Got me craving!
Tongues may be wagging
In the morning
But ours are for tasting

So what do you say?

Mmm don't speak.
My hearts racing
Legs shaking
As you play your mouth piece

Sighhhh

And I
Might just have to pull you in tight
Might just have to have you all night
But don't worry
It's our lil secret, I won't say a thing

Words may have failed us
But mouths don't need words
To do wonderous things

;)

You know sometimes
You catch me unaware

Like when I'm brushing your hair
And you rest your head on my stomach
But I feel your warmth in My chest
Inhale, Exhale
As I always have
but there's a Change in my breath

And suddenly this moment
Becomes very real,
yet ethereal  
it delicately spreads.
Like my fingers
Through these
Waves cascading
Down your neck
Framing
Your beautiful face

It leaves a smile on mine
To be sharing this space with you
In this place with you
Meet your eyes gaze

You call me Rhipunzal
But it's your locks
That give me a way in
Got me appreciating
Little moments like this
The closeness, the bliss
And I may still have a lot more to
Learn about love
But I can feel it here
In the quiet
On your forehead
In my kiss

"Loads of guys talk to Rhi"
On a day such statements and possible insinuations don't **** me off
they actually entertain me.

What do people think of me?
What do they really see?
Used to be a source of teenage paranoia
Now I'm more intrigued

It's 6 am,
After party at Mag's house!
Everyone's sleepy
Sun's coming up
Smokers coming in and out from the balcony
Sliding doors
Dawn chorus
Sat in the darkest corner
On a wicker chair
Tryin to go unseen
Feelin I look a state
Makeup has started to fade
No longer hiding me
No one in this room
Would know though
About that insecurity
Had me Avoidin mirrors
When out since the age of 15
That's a long time to not be
able to face yourself

But now this young guys facing me
I've sparked an interest you see
Half cut Johny who I shared the car journey
Back with has been spreading the word
That I do carpentry
And he's intrigued
So he's crouched down beside me
Eyes wide open,
Probing me, testing my knowledge
Rollin off his story of going off the rails
And joining the army
But how carpentry gives him some peace
I smile, I listen, I speak
Shake his hand
As he introduces himself as Steve
Asks if he's steppin on anyone's toes
Cause he believes the Dj
That's followed us back
For the after party
Is my boyfriend
Cause we were talkin
And he was stood next to me
I laugh at how fast
Assumptions are made
In the dark
It's kinda funny
He feels awkward now
Says it's nice to meet me
Leaves
Sigh of relief

Why do loads of guys talk to Rhi?
The banter most probably

Hear Dj taking the Micky
(Turns out to be his name ironically)
As he walks back in
Tryin to set up his sound system
Steve says get some Scart leads
We're cracking up
I say something off the cuff, witty
He Spuds me
I'm a "bro" after all right

What do you do?
I dance
But you was stood behind me all night!
Ha! No, just for a bit,
I was watching what you was doin
He starts telling me about beats per minute
I ask him bout the Djing
How I'm interested in doin it
We Banter about how he'd teach me
How I'd be his prodigy
I think he means it

Says we got him in trouble with the club
For changing up his set
Cause we were goin in
We were feelin it
Asks me to guess where he's from
I say You look mixed race
But I bet your Cypriot
Says he's Half Turk, half Greek
That's why things didn't work out
between Mummy and Daddy
Chuckles softly

He's a Barber during the week
Cut Rita Oras hair the other day
Shows me the tweet
He's likable, pretty sweet
Says he's glad I'm there
Cause he doesn't know anyone here
And he'd have no one to talk to
A shy dj
Looks like Drake
Kind of a giveaway
His Nose is running
I say
what have you been sniffing
Grinning teeth
Smiles and shakes his head
How can you say that
To Someone you've just met?!
You're cheeky!
Asks if I smoke or do drugs
When I reply no
He jokingly asks to marry me
I say where's the ring?
He gets out his keys
Puts it on my finger we laugh
Who knew getting a wife
would be that easy?
Calm down sunshine!
my games more stealthy

But I reiterate
"loads of guys talk to Rhi"

What do they mean?
I'm a guys girl
Always have always will be
If this night has confirmed anything
It's that
Certain females just don't warm to me
Give them a compliment
They're ******* me
Make a joke
They're ******* me
Dance by one
Accidentally knock her phone
Out her hand she sits down immediately
Face of thunder
I Say sorry,
Skulk off awkwardly
Beat myself up about it momentarily
Then get annoyed and think **** it
Head back to where I'm meant to be
Just the dance floor and me
Where I get smiles and laughs and looks
I can't quite decipher
"White gyal skanker!"
Mutter out apologies as I stand on
Some guys toes
Tells me no worries I'm a dancer

Hell I'm a flirt too!
I speak to guys cause
it's what I know how to do
It's easy conversation
It's fun
But I know that when this nights over
it's all said and done
No need to mention
I have no true intention
Of speaking to or seeing these people again
Maybe I should
Maybe that's how I'll make connections
But for now I'm tired but it's a good tired
I feel at peace
There's something wonderfully dreamy
About the after party
People slowly waking up from the make believe of the night
As they're fighting off sleep
DJ Micky making his way out the door
Shoutin back
Make sure you message me!

I won't

For now It's time to head home
I take my leave
As I exit
Wave bye to Steve

Thinkin Why is it guys talk to me?

For the same reasons anyone would really
I listen
I guess maybe I put them at ease

Sometimes I put my headphones in
No music playin
Just to muffle out the background noise
Of all they're sayin ,
all the empty conversation
I'm secretly sat here craving
From Better days when
This paranoia wasn't constantly
Invading my brain and
I could entertain it
Sit here without fear
Cause I was going somewhere
With people I could call friends
Without questioning motivations

Unquestioning motivation
Faltered
Now sleign , altered
And warped by blame
checked into the Awk-ward
I wait in urgency
hoping This was no accident
And I'll imerge and see
The bigger picture
Fat-e
But for now I shrink
Violently
Weight droppin off of me
still feelin heavy
Propped up on this bus seat
Weighing up whether
I should miss my stop
Cause I'm not sat near the bell
And God forbid I ask someone for help

Cause then they'd have to look at me

But don't look at me,
Don't you dare look at me!
I can't face you today
I can't even face me
That's why I don't take a window seat
And you have to begrudgingly
Shimmy past me to take yours
Or walk past to the back
Silently cursing me

I wish you'd sing instead
I've got no music playin
Clear my head
lend an Ear-nestle next to me
Did I not earn your earnesty?
If I've got your back
Won't you back me?
Or will I turn round
Reach out
Only to find your shadow stretchin
Out of reach
Like a weary soul-dier
you take your leave...

I try to shake mine off
Anxietree
Break some branches,
Tryin to get free
Oh-live!
They Silently scream
But I'm struggling
To even make it off my seat
Go live
In three
But I can no longer perform
Go on without me
Forget me
Only thing on the way up
Is mum's spaghetti!
Need some Bob Marley
Get up, stand up
But my legs won't let me!
Musics off
So it's down to me
Get up, stand up
Used to be so easy
Get up stand up

Your bus stop is here

No music playin in my ear
But right now I could do
With a mellowdy