[11:17:14pm]
it's been thirty five days or
eight hundred and forty hours or
fifty thousand four hundred minutes and
i've spent almost every single night
crying

[11:25:29pm]
i wonder if you remember how you felt
when you rolled over in the morning and
there i was, next to you
i wonder if you knew
that at that moment i had
never seen someone so beautiful
in my entire life

[11:34:31pm]
my mother says you can tell a lot
about a person from what
their hands are like
whenever i think of yours i can
still feel the patterns you spent forever
tracing on my back

[11:37:58pm]
i drove down  
every single road it took
to take me home that one night and
i'm still curious as to why
you took the long way home

[11:41:56pm]
i spend a lot of time thinking, wondering
1. about you
2. still, you

[11:46:38pm]
i forgot how to stop
when it came to us
i should have known it
would be 11:46:38pm
thirty five days later
and i would still be writing
about the boy who didn't
give a ******* ****

i'm all for metaphors
and lines of poetry
that make love seem
like a beautiful tragedy
but the truth is
i fell face down in the dirt
for a boy who had his head
too high in the clouds
to realise he was walking
all over me

I KNEW THAT I WOULD END UP LIKE THIS, WITH ****** KNEES, GRAZED PALMS, BROKEN BONES AND IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT DARLING I AM DONE FIGHTING I AM SICK OF BEING A SOLDIER COLD AND ALONE IN TRENCHES WHEN ALL I EVER WANTED WAS YOUR WARMTH

i will go to hell and back
to prove that day 44
has been harder than day 1
and maybe i don't feel as much
but that's because everything good inside of me
has been replaced with numb

i am absolutely terrified
there will never be
another you

you are a broken mess of shattered bones
each limb attached to a million little anchors
a gradual decline inevitable
but baby, i will sink to the very bottom with you
i will hold my breath until my lungs collapse and fill with the sickly salt water that surrounds us
i will stay there for as long as you need me to
and when you find the strength to free yourself
i will rise to the top with you
and we will rediscover what the sun feels like on our skin
and what the air feels like in our lungs

there's 20 miles
my shattered heart
her lips
and silence
between us

i tend to forget a lot of things
like birth dates and the colour of eyes
but you my darling
are a masterpiece that has been etched
into my brain
how am i meant to forget
so much right
in a world so full of wrong?

IF I WAS A BUTTERFLY
YOU WOULD BE THE ONE
THAT HOLDS ME BY MY WINGS
AND DROPS ME TO THE GROUND
JUST TO SEE ME SUFFER
AND YOU'D CRACK A SMIRK
BECAUSE YOU HELD POWER
OVER AN INNOCENT
AND QUITE FRANKLY
IN THE HUMAN FORM
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO
YOU PICK ME UP
YOU DROP ME
AND WATCH ME BREAK
AND YOU SMIRK
BECAUSE THAT POWER
TURNS YOU ON
MORE THAN I EVER COULD

and late at night
when you can’t sleep
remember one thing,
i was once
the reason why
you refused to close your eyes

i try to write about you
but i can't
there's not a single word
that can describe how i feel
i just miss you

i miss you

my name rolled off your tongue
in the same calculated way
that waves roll to the shore
and your eyes pierced my soul
in the same deadly way
that an animal stalks its prey
and i knew from then
that i would soon be your victim
and you would be
nothing but my murderer