don't forget all the moments I've been there for you.
and all the times I took the time to make you feel understood when no one else could.
don't forget all the times I have tried everything in my power to make you feel better.
don't forget all the times I looked at you with my heart through my eyes.
and the way I held your hands as if they were as precious as your heart.
so please,
please don't forget me.

I have
   big dreams

        and a  
            realistic mind.

You
     can
  only
         imagine
               the
  frustration.

My mother told me that
if I am ever kidnapped I
should bite off the skin on
the tip of my fingers so
the police can follow my blood trail
like breadcrumbs.

When he grabbed my hand
I looked back at
the street behind me,
it seemed so easy to follow,
the road to my home
is a straight line
from anywhere,
how could I get lost?

I left no mark
on the ground I walked on,
he carried me to
a place I had never seen,
the road he had found me on
did not even seem
like an option anymore,
it was too far gone.

I am walking,
I am calling out to them,
to anyone,
*I escaped,
please come get me,
wrap me in warm blankets
in the back of an ambulance,
blur my face in the news report,
find me,
I am coming home,
find me.

the most memorable
first kiss i've ever had
was shared with you.
i leaned in, pressed
my lips against yours
and i put my hands on
your chest. you threw
your head back and
laughed like a God.
i've spent over a year
being confused as to
why you did that and
why you never explained.
i know now that it's because
you knew i was looking
for your heart and you
knew that you didn't have one.

unless she's given it back,
you still don't.

your mother died before teaching you
how to deal with death
and the only way
to bleed out the sadness
was to wrap your hands
around my neck and i,
i ripped open my own *******
chest so you didn't have to get
your hands *****
and you told me
you wanted someone
with a little more

restraint

while waiting for the next girl in barnes & noble you can pull out an anatomy book and trace my bones like you wish you could have done before when it was still a viable option
you inched her name into our conversations because it tasted like honey and devil's food cake on your tongue, looked away when i begged for answers
left me writing you letters you never read and calling your name and wishing you good morning like the good girl i wanted to be even though i’d grown so weak
behind your frames who did you see when you saw me? i want to know, i want to know if the guy before saw the same wide-eyed half-smiling half-crying picture of naivety
i hate sensing patterns
you knew
you knew
you knew
but you did it anyway
i knew
i knew
i knew
the ending very well
and i let it happen anyway as if i didn’t know any better
i kept waiting for the broken traffic light to change.
i shivered because my cardigan was too thin,
high-low chiffon skirt pulling an unwanted marilyn and sending chills as i stepped onto the platform,
phone in my hand at 63%, got texts from everybody but you
body trembling on the walk home under the moonless sky.
from now on trusting is going to feel like an olympic sport
i've never been that athletically adept but i'll learn to pole vault the hell away next time when i see the signs loud and flagrant.
third time's the charm right?