You don't know how I feel
The endless chaos in my mind
You think everything is okay
The outside hides the war inside

I feel pain in my chest,
I smile my best
I feel weak as I wake up,
I struggle to cope

My head is aching
From anxieties and endless fears
Worries, doubts and bad memories

Being alone is torture for me,
Tears fall down my cheeks,
As my gun calls for repeat

You simply do not know,
I simply do not show

That I am dying slow...

This feeling
unlike any other feeling
Feels unnatural,
unsafe and catastrophical
can't get out, can't handle being all alone
Clinging on to the only safety I know
Even if it feels entirely wrong

What's wrong with me?
Why am I so scared of the unknown?
This is the time to test boundaries,
Learn for selfgrowth,
And feel forever young
I'm like a child inside,
scared and lonely,
Afraid to take the risk,
To fly high above
and shine
on my oh so destined throne

Do I belong in your heart
Or my own?
Unaffected by your love,
wisdom and words,
Or filled with your love,
us forevermore, side by side
Till death do us apart?
Speak now or forever hold your peace

Just do as I say,
you have to tease me,
in order to please me

It's like an itch,
it wont quit,
make me tick

Who's the boss this time...
should I obey
or decide?

Would you say it again?
Those words you spelled out
But never really meant
Could you do it all again?
Use my love and crush my soul
Does it even bother you?
Or do you not care at all?

I thought we had something,
But it was all a fictional game,
You're like ice and can't be melted,
I'm naive and got disrespected,
I bet karma get's you in the end,
Because you never stop with your silly little game

One day all your lies will be revealed
And all the people you've deceived
Will get the peace that they need

I want a city that always breathes,
Never sleeps
I want dancing all night long,
To be wild and ***** too

I want singing all day,
I want something new

Make me feel alive
Make me smile
Make me laugh
******* and make me glow

Endless nights,
Endless fun,
Endless kink,
Endless life

My heart longs for excitement,
I'm too young to settle down,
Watch out,
I'm simply untamable now...

I'm like this again
It's an uncurable disease,
Just keeps on coming back
Making me want to die
I'm also afraid to die
I really want to live
I really want to want to live
But I still feel like this,
And I can't live with it

You say you love me,
They say they miss me,
Some even wants to be with me,
I can't believe a word they say
I can hear it, but not understand
Or feel it
Makes no sense at all,
why I still feel all alone

Might be that I never let them through,
Noone knows what's going on,
Going on inside my mind,
All my broken thoughts, hopes, wishes and dreams
Crushed into the one thing
That I've always been able to feel,
and to understand;
The strong and powerful pain
It's like it's always with me,
Even when I am starting to feel fine,
It's still with me,
the pain then starts to rain all over me
It won't ever go away from me

Can't I ever be free?
Why have I felt like this forever?
I thought things would get better,
I always do, but it never lasts
The pain takes me straight back
It never tells when it's going to strike
But when it strikes, it strikes
I'm certain of that

Will this be my future?
Day in and day out...
A glimpse of happiness,
Then just excruciating pain
Like there's no way out
You give and then you take
Everything that's left on the plate
More than you gave
Just to leave me with less
When I started to lose my suppress
I'm now suppressed to a whole new extent

I'm afraid to tell,
paranoid in every way,
A sound here, a shadow there
Someone wants me, I have to hide
They all want to take me down
Don't go outside, you'll be destroyed
The sun will melt you,
the rays will burn you,
And the daylight,
It will destroy you...
My mind says things I know aren't true,
But If I open up my state of mind,
I don't know if I'll get cured

I'm afraid to be ridiculed
I'm afraid to be looked down upon
I'm afraid to be framed
I'm afraid to be deceived
I'm afraid to be lied to
I'm afraid to be ruined

But must of all,
I'm afraid of growing old...
To die alone and unloved,
filled with unfulfilled dreams,
Years of depression and guilt
Of all the life I never lived
Wasted time, wasted memories
Just because of fear
how can I bear?

I doubt everyone's intentions
Even my own
In my heart,
I don't even know where I belong

I don't want to take my life, I want to start my life

My disease complicates my soul
When it rains at the most,
it turns into an ocean, I've been here before
The question is...
Will I swim through this time too,
or will this be the time I drown?