It doesn't matter how much time
That passes me by
I still can't seem to stop to cry
I never felt alive
Why is it so hard to try?

Will you ever come back to me,
Tuck me in and wipe my tears?
Or will you just stay the illusion
That you've always been?

I will fight alone,
From my birth to my grave,
Always have and always will
Used to the pain, suffering and ache
That's inflicted on me in everyones sake

I won't say no,
My heart is good,
So I can't let go

Forgive and forget is what they all say,
Even when it's not earned in any way

Dear society,

Don't tell me how I should think,
Feel,
Act,
Or look
I'm not a reflection of your perception
And I won't ever be

You can't decide someone elses identity,
personality or style
It's their own to define
Don't take that from us

I'm sick of feeling like an outcast for trying to be me,
We should really celebrate each others differences,
Those are what makes us unique

You can stop trying to dictate my life,
My way and my being,
I'd rather be outside of your ideal,
Than be repressed under your glorification

My creative soul dies held captive,
And it blooms in freedom
I don't feel free under your judgement,
But I don't live to please you either...

One day I'll be gone,
And if I die suiting your reality,
I've been dead all along
If I die creating my own reality,
I've never been more alive,
Even on the day I die.

So dear society,

Don't tell me how to feel,
Act,
Or look,
I'm done being a reflection of your perception
And I won't ever be that again...

The ***** don't hold me no more,
Not tempted to go down that line,
Just to stop thinking and to feel somehow alive,
It was a destructive time, that's for sure
The nauseau it gave, the nerves it played
No good ever came from this game

It runs in my genes,
But it will not bring me to my knees,
I've managed better without,
Than I ever would with

I drank to gain courage
I drank to be myself
I drank out of cowardness,
that's what I did

Afraid to be sober
What would they think of me?
What would they say?
When I was drunk,
I simply did not care

I drank to feel happy
Or feel nothing at all
I drank to be promiscuous
To fill the void in my soul
I drank to meet you,
Because I was afraid to say hello

I started to drink to get by,
And felt empty when not,
I drew the line at that point,
To stop myself from selfdestruct

I've seen those paths firsthand,
From I was little to now,
I choose my life,
Not the alcohol in sight

The pain that it causes,
To both the person itself and those around,
Are worse than the agony
of keeping yourself sober...

People like you
Have left me insecure,
Reluctant,
Scared,
Mad,
Worried,
Empty,
Sad,
Crushed

B­ut does it really make you better?
Happier?
Tougher?
Fulfilled?
Lucky?
Carefree?

I bet it doesn't,
So what's the point?
Why crush an innocent soul
For a minute of superiority?
It fades away as fast as your own happiness,
But the scar you give away never fades
It stays put forever,
Never forgotten,
Never fully healed,
Always a reminder,
Always a weak spot.

People like you,
Never think,
Just act...
People like you,
Took away my smile,
Brought me to tears every night,
Did it ever cross your mind that your words ****?
**** every little ounce of joy that was left
Kills it all
Do you love to watch me die in silence?
You know I'll never scream
I won't even whisper

The truth is,
You probably never knew,
Never realized,
Never saw the hell you put me through
You couldn't see past your own pain
You just murdered a little girl

You murdered her shot at a normal life,
Confidence,
Thought pattern,
Ability to trust,
To love,
To feel,
To listen to herself
Did you forget?
Do you even know?

It's still imprinted within me,
In every inch of me,
From head to toe,
I'll never forget...
What hurts the most,
Is that you've probably forgotten,
You probably never gave me a second thought,
While it's with me year after year,
Isn't it clear?

A young girl,
And you made her dead,
Before she even started to live...

Do you even try
to understand the battle I'm fighting inside my mind?
Do you even understand
it's not because I want to, but it feels like my only option?

Do you even bother
to try to see it from my point of view?
See that my fear is eating me up inside,
that I'm also trying to starve it,
but the fear doesn't easily starve,
it takes what it craves
and it craves my soul

It's not like I want this,
but sometimes it feels unstoppable
my heart pounds crazy in my chest,
as my hands shake of distress,
it feels as if I go against my fear,
My life gets ruined,
I get ruined,
I'll wind up dead.

It's like the fear never gets satisfied,
it want more and more,
till there's nothing more left,
it never get's full,
just keeps on eating on my insides

I hope for the day I'll find my cure,
**** this fear
and just live my life again...

I'm just laying here
In the darkness I've created for myself
To feel something
But I end up feeling lost
It's what I always do
I shut the sun and the day out
Wait for the night to come
So I can get out of my cave
And finally feel something
Peace and clarity
This is where I belong
No big crowd, no people
Just me and my thoughts
Less stress, less anxiety, more calming
But never entirely
Is this how it feels to be doomed?
Have I created my own undoing?
Or am I just sentenced to it?
God only knows