Without colors & contrasts,
Without whispers & softness,

Without smiles & giggles,
Without caring & sensitivity.

Without jiggles & wiggles,
Without feminine beauty.

Without women,

When I was a kid,
And I mean when I was a kid
I had a dream
It was a very profound dream,
You'd never think a mere kid could even have these thoughts

Over the years this dream just dissipated into dust
After a while there wasn't even dust
It had become a forgotten memory
Force subdue harsh punishment for existing
Until even the forgotten forgot it

Before long it had began to crumble
As it finally understood that it would never see the light of day again
That it would forever soak in the pitts of hell
Falling apart then burning to ashes
So in a dark corner it sat

Not that there was a light to began with
It cried in sorrow hoping that it would get lucky and be saved
That even possibly the forgotten remembered it
Days, months, then years past
And still it sat in a dark corner burned to a crisp

It comes to prove that even dreams have dreams
A desire to be simply fulfilled
Is that too much to ask
To be complete
And die only to be reborn in another kid

There are far more people
that struggle in life, like me

than there are successful,
made and together, like you:

so please, uninvite me, yet again,
but let me be;
         without that dangling carrot,*    I   A M    F R E E .



○●
•

The last words I said to you hang above me. They stalk me....often choking out all other thoughts. They ring in my ears as a painful reminder the weight that words truly have....You not only broke my heart that day, but shattered the woman I was supposed to become.
So now....4 years later I find I am still trying to escape the gravity of those 5 words. I was so wrong to say that. A thousand 'what ifs' stream through me.
What if I said something else?
What if I had just been a little less harsh?
What if I had love inside my eye's instead of anger?
Would you still be here?
No amount of time will ever be enough for me to escape this haunting weight of what I said to you. I am so sorry....I am always missing you and that 1,000 watt smile.

Scream in the air to not cry.
Stomach twists like tangled vines.
Tears rise but refuse fall.
Violent sobs shake my all.

Legs give out after a while.
Back slides against cold tile.
Of course I'm okay.
Can't you see?

I'm just okay.
And this isn't killing me.

For one, it could be destined
How we met till we wed
It is now revealed, your plan which you kept clandestine
Left me bleeding profusely alone on my bed

It is clear it is revenge you were after
Like a knife piercing through my heart
Without empathy, you watched and let me suffer
Animosity grew, at a gallop we drifted apart

For the other, a beautiful connection was forged
Immersed into each other, our vision was blurred
An intimate ride of heat and passion, her heart was gorged
Till one day, reality sank in and a voice whispered addiction was the word

Her heart was still yearning
For the true feelings that was left behind
Patiently counted the months and days, she was still waiting
Only to realize, her unconditional love was declined

Like faded photographs with lines and creases
The precious moments remained etched vividly in her memory
Feeling her heart break into a million pieces
While her tears flow, praying hard HE will end her misery