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*** like suicide's
always better
when the lights
go out.
 Feb 2014 Patricia Tsouros
E
Explorer of ink smudges and paper cuts,
She pilots her pen along the roads of a page.
With crisscrossed legs, she travels with windswept hair,
Scrawling to him on a route of blue and the red:
"Each moment we are together,
we write a new line of this poem."


He rummages through leaves of paper,
Words scribbled upon the pieces
like freshly fallen snow upon tree branches.
He searches in vain, seeing only her emerald-brown eyes.
Finally, with words at a breakneck speed, he writes:
*"And yet, there will never be verses enough
to encompass the scope of our voyage."
Written with Tyler Nicholas
so much pain
in the heart's
broken treasure:

so much rain
in the night's
silent azure,

silvery mirrors
scream only tears;
eyes forbid, it mends

lonely lips
with voicelss words
and sudden ends,

bittersweet memories
of once somber past
left ashes in the chest,

your absence hurts
more than anything,
but then all is lost
All Rights Reserved © 2014
I've been digging
through this dumpster
far too long
trying to get to the bottom of it all.
Slimey sweet stench
there's my first love
my first pipe
my last light
my first rush
my last gush
my first bet
my last buck
"the game ain't over
until the rent money's gone."

I am down a deep hole
and my only tool is a shovel
I've got that one choice
but to go
down
down
down.
Drunk and dial
Drunk and poetry
how did I get here
how do I get out?

I'm a spiritual wasteland
connected to no one
connected to nothing
My drug
My man
My woman
My casino
The rush comes first
The numbness comes last
until
death, insanity or jail
is within my grasp.
I do what I do
But I am allergic too
you understand
when I do what I do
I break out in handcuffs
jail cells
strapped down to beds
looking around
longing for my dumpster
and
what I might have found.

1st Step
12th Step
I've done them all
though the 13th Step
I liked the best
Sponsors have come and gone
Spiritual awakenings
have all been done
I am back in this dumpster
where I had begun.

There is an exquisite mystery
at the heart of it all
the internal shift
happens
an inside job
The 21 year old's first black out
enough is enough
The 60 year old
on his fifth DUI
going out for one more round.

It is true
I have seen it many times
Recovery can be found
Hope restored
Wisdom in these halls
Peace within these walls
The dumpster closed
and left behind
A ladder falls and arrives
acceptance and gratitude
combine
as they say
"One day at a time."
"Poker the game ain't over until the rent money is gone" was on a greeting card.
13th Stepping is hitting on new comers in meetings.   I am not in recovery yet, but I always need to add the yet.
Your paths shouldn’t lead astray

Heard it since childhood day
Heard it along all the way
What it means don’t know to this day.

It doesn’t show the way nor lifts the haze
Of a delusional journey the morality’s maze
Just a vague notion planted from the birth
Astray a wrong way is not a travel’s worth.

And that’s the dilemma all the trouble’s root
Astray the wrong way should not be one’s route
But each path has on offer its own unique view
Sublime obnoxious but stretched out for you.

Don’t I need to break shackles and explore
The way called astray what it has in store
How bad are its tracks uncouth unclean
If they are laden with only vices and sin.

Why not one day break out of shell
See if astray leads only to hell
Take chance of a choice to get away from the pain
Of the ways thought right but ashtray like vain.
 Feb 2014 Patricia Tsouros
Autumn
It's snowing outside.
Lots of snow.

Theres also a potato in a bowl.
I keep thinking that potato is a muffin.
I keep wishing it was a muffin,
but it's just a potato.

The thing is that
potatoes are good, but muffins are better.
There's nothing much better than a good muffin

It's like trying to enjoy a slide
after you've been on a roller coaster.
I hate when things get dull
like pencils.
When love goes wrong whose fault does it become?
I guess it doesn’t matter cos the fact is it’s gone.
I asked love for answers but it gave me none.
I begged it for closure but it gave me none.
Isn’t love meant to last forever? when it doesn’t and your love keeps saying “NEVER”!!!
It leave you hopeless, it leaves you blue, roaming this world, without a clue.
How sweet it would have been if love was good to me.
Like a thief in the night, it stole my dreams,
Confusion sets in, feels like your world is shattered.
The pain is killing because love left you without answers.
You search your soul, all YOU see is an empty hole. ..
How could it leave without telling you what you did not know.
What you did and did not do.
Leaving you spent, without a clue making u feel like a complete fool.
The silence is deafening, wasn’t it meant to be?
You make excuses; my love must surely come back to me.
Vision of perfection, gives hope for a new day.
It could be a mistake; my love was here to stay.
Deep down inside you know the outcome,
you stretch it and stretch it, you quietly hang on.
You thrive on patience, this is real I tell you.
How could you feel this strongly, if it wasn’t meant for you?
How could it start, if it would only break your heart?
You need closure, you need answers.
Your love says never, I won’t give in to your banter.
You ask yourself, if this love wasn’t meant to be, why did it feel so right?
You wanna fight with all your might.
My love must be confused!
You hang on to hope, love can’t be doing this to me.
The promises so sweet, the words still linger,
you hold on in anger, confusion and pain cos love can’t possibly be doing this to me.
Does love take joy in your pain?
Tears flow like pouring rain.
What did I do, you ask once again.
The silence is deafening, your heart is pounding…
Love says “You are HOUNDING!!” Hounding?
You stop to take a deep breath,
how can love treat me so selfishly,
took all my dreams laid them next to me, kicked it in my face,
yet I still longed for its warm embrace.
Holding on so deep, not caring if I look cheap
You look around you, see happy faces, different cases,
you ask yourself,
why is this happening to me?
life so unpredictable, it  gives you no answers.
You hear all the banter,
it adds to your pain,
why won’t they just let me be?
You want to shout, the silence is deafening,
how can they hear me,
you feel caged, hopeless, the pain feels endless…
You scream!
but realize,
you are screaming from a sound proof booth, with no one to hear you,
look what love has done to you.
It took you for a complete fool.
You take a deep breath,
with all you possess,
determination sets in to break free,
you tell yourself, yes love has been unpredictable to me,
but its high time I become unpredictable to it.
You compose yourself, dust off your shoulder, though it was hard, it has also made you bolder.
You feel the calm, the silence once more but this time it’s different.
This time it’s pure.
Love is an emotion that can eat at your soul,
if it doesn’t go right it could **** you slow.
You analyze, socialize, magnetize. Then you realize,
the only cure is not in anger,pain, or resentment.
The only cure for a broken heart is time.
For those of us who believe in true love,
we do it all over again,
being hopeful that this time we will enjoy its gains

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