i hate myself
i'm broken, bruised, battered—
a failure, a waste of space, something to be erased; a loser, pig, a mistake.
the words run rampant inside my mind, if only i could shut them out but i failed at that too.
a worthless ******* is all i am... and all i will ever be.

peer into the glass
what do you see?
are you staring back
or is it a nobody?

the twisted lies
that are held behind
that shiny pane
inside your mind.

do we see the truth?
what it reflects to us?
do mirrors twist the facts
we won't discuss?

is this truly me?
is my soul flawed?
am i really just
a lying fraud?

how do i describe how i feel?
one hand free, other held down by guilt
but no longer chained to someone who i am not

who am i?
that i don't know
i've lost myself among opinions surrounding me

who do i be?
myself? what does that mean?
how do i find myself when i don't know what im searching for?

i don't hate you
but i hate what you do
you're dripping with sin
as you're hurt within

follow me
and maybe you'll see
how the world has lied
false truth invading as you cried

your pride is too high
for you to see the lie
to admit you were wrong
so i'll sing this song

"i love you
as Jesus does too.
i pray for your heart
'cause it tears me apart
to see you this way
so i have something to say
i'll be here for you
no matter what you do
and i hope that you
will be there too."

Hope for a new world

shatters.

Fates laugh as

poison fills the veins of society.




Should we call to the moon?

Surely, she knows how to survive the dark.

What about the stars?

Do we pray for them to fall?

So our pitiful cries may be heard

by some other know-all?




Fates pleased as we long

for happy endings,

ones that we will never reach

no matter how hard we try.




Will we ever be free

of your dangerous games?

Or will your hands stay latched

on those wretched reins?

how can i feel nothing and everything all at the same time?
wanting to live but urging death
highs and lows leveled out to numb
why should i stay if i feel this way?
i crave to be free, to find me amidst this dark
please

United We Stand,
Divided We Fall.
The canyon between us
will slaughter us all.

Can't you see
the man up there?
A puppet on strings,
dancing unaware.

completely unaware
the depth of tragedies
that have occurred
before the formalities.

Do you care for us?
Or is it all for you?
Our country shattering in pieces.
What will you do?

Another speech,
To check a box?
Inconveniences to form
your scripted talks.

We need a leader,
one far more adept.
One for the people,
one who can go up steps.

This ain't an attack
but things need to change
my home is dying
as things become strange.

Home of the Brave
is what they all say
but all I see are cowards
waiting to run away.

Stand up for your land
or we'll crumble before
each angry group
begging to start a war...

You don't understand

he means everything to me

just give him a chance

and maybe you'll agree.




His smile, his laugh

make me feel alive,

without him

I'll never thrive.




I know you won't agree

you're the head, and I the heart

you can try

but you'll never break us apart.


~


I won't agree because I see things

you'll never know.

This guy doesn't want you

he only sees a ***.




You deserve more

that's why logic wins,

saving you from

his unwanted sins.




I know you won't

agree with me

but there's just somethings

the heart cannot see.




Blinded by love,

you'll be the fool.

~

With your logic,

life becomes cruel.




Which do I believe?

The one that sees

or the one

that bleeds?

how can I be alive,

when I feel nothing inside?

the nothingness inside myself

makes me deaf.




deaf to the highs,

deaf to the lows,

that's why i stay here,

i have nowhere to go.




a shell of who i was,

and what i could be

shattered to pieces

that floated out to sea.




put them together

and what do you see?




another lost soul

inside an empty body.

overlooked but overused. i the key to new experiences—what lays beyond the wall. day after day, hour after hour people touch me but are unclean. the germs crawl around me, waiting for the next victim. flu, covid, a cough—doesn't matter which 'cause i experience them all...

am i the monster?
or the monster in me?
am i truly that horrible?
or just what you want me to see?

the gaze staring back is empty,
the irises hollow,
my heart aches,
full of sorrow.

who am i?
worthless?
pathetic?
hopeless?

do i deserve help?
or to lay numb,
drowned by life and fear.
what's left for me: glum.

she was good at pretending,
pretending everything's okay
pretending she's not dying inside
hiding what she wants to say

she fit the mold
society's strict rules
how to dress and how to act
turning everyone into fools

one day, everything changes
she stands out
no longer pretending
her mind free from doubt

she could be free
who she wanted to be
no longer a mindless clone
and she was not alone

stand up!

i don't know what i did
how i made you this way
the feelings you buried
things you won't say

how can i be there for you
if what you say is not true
you're not okay
you're a liar

i'm here for you
through thick and thin
but i can't be
when you won't let me in

the lies You whispered in my ears,

blinded me from my fears.

You promised perfection,

but didn't tell me it'd lead my heart in the other direction.




the unrest in my soul grew

as You wound me up like a corkscrew.

Your grin darkened

as Your blade sharpened.




You stripped me of myself

so You could control my body Yourself.

You killed me from the inside out,

suffocating my flower before it could even sprout.




i can't understand how such a tiny ****,

could strangle me no matter how hard i plead.

this wasn't part of the deal,

my soul wasn't Yours to steal.




You clouded my thoughts

so i couldn't connect the dots.

trial after trial You wouldn't leave me alone

Your lies continued until i was overthrown.




there i sat, hollow

ready to trust You, ready to follow.

we walked the path of no return,

ready to die, ready to burn.




that's when I began to pray

for someone to come to My aid.

pull Me from the dirt,

help Me never hurt.




replant Me somewhere new,

maybe somewhere with a good view.

somewhere I won't be numb,

somewhere far away from that ****.




the sun seems clearer,

maybe because I'm nearer.

maybe because I'm no longer tangled in a vine.

maybe because I can finally be happy with My life as Mine.

the pounding in my chest
increases my unrest
as tears stream down my face
praying for a change of pace

worry bubbles inside me
snatching my glee
just let me be
and maybe i'll see
why you ignore my plea
to be set free

how can i feel so alone
when people have shown
how much they care
but are never there

panic is my foe
lying to me of what i know
dampening my glow
furthering my woe
of what it shows
whoa

do you know me?
i'm not what you see
my soul surrounded by walls
ones that stand tall
that's the part of me you'll never see
because if you did, you wouldn't want me

i'm broken

i'm 'rough around the edges' as they say
but i'm the one who made me this way
pushed everything good from my soul
that's why i'm empty; i'll never be whole
i'm not sure what to be
if not always empty

i'm broken

the lock tightens every day
you can't hear what i say
what i tell myself, what i tell her
this person that is me, my silencer
i'm sorry for what i hide
what i lock deep inside

i'm broken

biting my tongue each day
thinking about what to say
what i want you to know
the things i can't show
would you still love me?
or would you see what i see?

i'm a monster...

i never stopped loving you
i promise that's true
i only began to love me
so i had to leave, you see

we're both bruised
our souls used
screaming for help
such puny yelps

how can two broken souls heal?
they can't, one must kneel
one pushing on while the other's left behind
usually a heart that is kind

giving up myself for you
became something i'd just do
regardless of it hurting me
i just wanted you to be happy

but it wasn't fair
i was dying, i swear
i lost who i am
because with you i swam

while you drowned, i stayed afloat
being your savior, driving the boat
but it had a leak...
i was weak

i couldn't stay above the wave
the failure bringing both us to our graves
i'm so sorry i couldn't hold both of us
my legs gave out, causing a fuss

i couldn't hold your pain and mine
all at the same time
i drowned for you
so you could rise above the blue

i kept my hurting inside
i know that i cried
but there are things i locked away
things i wouldn't dare say

i couldn't hurt you
i just had to keep pushing through
before it became too much
that's when i avoided your touch

i had to leave for me
it's something you may never see
but i did everything i could for you
until there was nothing else i could do

i love you
and i'm sorry too
that i wasn't enough
but life is rough

stagnant
nothing more than a placeholder
i can't feel—my emotions never real…
im an actress, a liar, a fake.
reactions churned out like a machine
i am numb—an emotionless husk going through the motions

how do i feel if what i feel isn't real?

i can't breathe; everything suffocating

i close my eyes, breathe in and for a moment i can feel... but every inhale has an exhale. i push the air from my chest and im numb once again.

i wanna hold my breath. breathe in and never let go. fade away with life, but between each breath is death and oh how i'm suffocating