Parsavagely Kompenere: Poems

246 · Sep 2015

Am I?

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2015

Am I?

Am I here,
Just to be destroyed,
Slowly?

Am I here,
Just to become the next,
Martyr?

Am I here,
Just to lose everything,
Again?

Or am I here,
To stand up and,
Make
Something
Change.

246 · Jul 2015

Undelivered

Parsavagely Kompenere Jul 2015

Undelivered

I waited, patient,
Expectations growing high,
But it never came.

246 · Jul 2016

Laughed before we cried

Parsavagely Kompenere Jul 2016

Laughed before we cried

There was such life in his eyes,
Such energy,
That far surpassed his body's limits.

So keen to speak,
To tell of all his years,
And to learn of new ones to come.

No fear of change crept into his mind,
Always looking forward,
Never "It was better in the old days" but rather "It was different".

A man led by a love of God,
Who led him to touch hearts,
And raise spirits.

And the finest mark of such a man,
That in memory we laughed before we cried.

In memory of Stanley, a great friend.

246 · Jun 2016

Warzone I

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2016

Warzone I

A child's scream,
But no child's lungs,
Produced the grating sound.

Fear is laced,
Upon the air,
And seeps into the ground.

Shots ring out,
And feet pound,
As mothers rush to their sons.

Explosions rip,
Their hearts in two,
Their lives the price for guns.

245 · Jun 2015

Excuse

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2015

Excuse

Breathing heavily,
Then spluttered screams,
Then broken cries,
And shattered bones,
Spilling blood,
Spears of pain,
Tight throats,
Death.

Don't blame me,
It's always been this way.

245 · Sep 2016

Audition

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Audition

In an instant this space grows walls,
And their eyes fade from sight,
And the floor is stained
With the blood and memories of friends
I could have known.
And echoes of their voices,
Living in the wood.
And every imagined moment
We spent together
Becomes a last farewell.

245 · Apr 2016

Pointless things

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2016

Pointless things

I do not have an empty mind,
It's just filled with pointless things:

Beauty, music, the smell of the air,
The shades of blossom and grass,
Romantic feelings, laughter and smiles,
The sound the birds make in spring,
Flowers and words to describe them,
Hope, ambition, inspiration,
The way sunlight glints on leaves,
How I feel, how I wish I felt,
What I want to do with my life,
Who I am.

Pointless.

245 · Dec 2015

Optimism

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2015

Optimism

Shaking hands,
Shaky heart,
Shaken mind,
Will not stop me,
From smiling again,
Dancing again,
Laughing again,
Even when things aren't,
Easy to deal with,
Simple to cope with,
Painless to live with,
Because I am stronger,
Than my mistakes,
Than bitter stabs,
And hateful words.

245 · Mar 2017

VR - V

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2017

VR - V

Free-roaming means data is off,
Eyes are up and headphones drop
Take a breath, taste the air
Take a step, no need to stare -
No shock, no bait,
No status update,
No followers to feed
No limits, no need
To restrict yourself to one-hundred-and-forty
Characters that aren't quite you,
No, for once, feel it all in one go
Not in a ten-second video,
First-hand experience is better
Than cutting down ur lettrs
Time to rediscover the world,
Through the highest definition
Four-dimensional,
Multi-sensational,
Live-stream of consciousness:
Reality.

245 · Aug 2017

Too Hot

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2017

Too Hot

The heat presses down
Clammy hands over my mouth
The air burns my brain

244 · Feb 2016

Shades of night

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Shades of night

Why are my eyes widest in the dark?
When there's less to see,
No light to see by,
I strain to see the details.

As the shadows creep across and pull the curtains closed,
I find subtly lighter shades of night,
Paint colours far more vivid,
Than the tones of daytime.

The harder it is to see, the more truth the dark reveals,
The tighter fatigue's fingers wrap round my waist,
The more I want her embrace,
And soon I'm smothered in purest black,
Where I feel at home,
At peace,
Until the crack of dawn sends me to sleep.

244 · Aug 2015

Now-distant

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2015

Now-distant

The time is dripping slowly,
As dew falls from webs,
In the now-distant winter mornings,
When I would run to my place,
My haven,
My safety,
As fast as I could,
But still the time dripped slowly,
As the words I heard,
In the now-silent whispers of spring breeze,
When I would stop and stare,
At beauty,
At water,
That ran as fast as it could,
And yet the time will drip slowly,
As the emptiness of summer days,
In the too-long months of not knowing,
When I will lose myself,
Lose hope,
Lose sanity,
Waiting for those drips of long-lost time to fall.

244 · Jan 2016

Axis

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Axis

In my grieving,
The world lost hope.

In my lying,
The world ran scared.

In my stillness,
The world moved on.

In my hiding,
The world forgot me.

In my smiling,
No one was left.

244 · Apr 2016

Shut down

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2016

Shut down

Determined,
But far too weak to keep eyes,
Fixed on what they need,
To see to keep,
Working,
And instead,
My body lets down my mind,
And shuts
Down.

244 · Feb 2016

Needles at night

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Needles at night

Through branches of shaking trees
Clinging on to their long-dead leaves
Lights glare in my tear-stained lenses
And flicker between breaths

Those bark-coated fingers
Reach out with shadows
On moss-stained fences
Tired, unable to stand

And in these fading hours
I see only where the dark touches
And smile only at dead and dying
Broken and falling.

Those glinting lights...
Needles in my eyes

244 · Apr 2016

Serious

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2016

Serious

"Stop making me giggle,"
He can't stay serious,
We can't stay serious,
Never a moment longer than a breath,
Wasted with the necessity,
Of words not painted with gold
Smiles.

243 · Apr 2017

Fatigue, take Dream

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2017

Fatigue, take Dream

In the heart of the evening,
Alone but for the passive hum of the fridge,
Waiting for the creeping force of fatigue
To press down upon my eyes.

He comes each night to interrupt,
To steal away my hours that march on unwavered,
And pass by without interest
In a solitary sleeping girl.

And from Him, She takes my limp body,
To sweeten the inescapable emptiness,
With promises, tales and memories
Crafted from my own

243 · Sep 2016

Hierarchy

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Hierarchy

Run away,
Little fly,
Your wings can't help you now.

Run away,
Little spider,
Eight legs won't let you out.

Run away,
Little bird,
Your feathers aren't that strong.

Run away,
Little cat,
Your legs are not that long.

Run away,
Little beast,
You're not smart enough.

Run away,
Little girl,
His hands are far too rough.

Run away,
Little man,
You think you'll get away?

Run away,
Little king,
Your crown won't keep you safe.

Run away,
Little town,
I'll burn your hopes for free.

Run away,
Little monster,
Your teeth and fire don't scare me.

Run away,
Little god,
Your "wars" are little brawls.

Run away,
My children,
I pull the strings of you all.

243 · Jan 2017

We're all mental

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2017

We're all mental

All my friends need medication
I need injections to stay me
And everyone around me's in love with insanity
The deluded speak the truth
They see the world as it is
Cause really life is dark and bleak and ****

242 · Oct 2015

The Price of Life

Parsavagely Kompenere Oct 2015

The Price of Life

How far would I go to save you?
How many risks would I take?
How much would I give up to make you smile?
How many lives would I sacrifice for just one?
For just yours?

As far as it took, it would be worth it,
As many as it took, it would be worth it,
As much as it took, it would be worth it,
All those sacrifices, it would be worth it,
For you.

242 · Aug 2015

Doubt

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2015

Doubt

Am I hiding?
Can you see me or not?
Did I run or just fall away?
Am I gliding?
Can my wings keep me up?
Have I broken myself just to say:
I am different?

242 · Apr 2015

Desperate Souls [Part 4]

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2015

Desperate Souls [Part 4]

I watched her go.
She was right there in front of me until...
She wasn't.
I didn't say a word,
Just stood there and witnessed the warmth leave her lungs.
I couldn't even hold her hand,
I wish I had.
For a month I cried,
But every tear that fell only fuelled the angry flames within me.
Soon I was a puppet,
Forgetting empathy,
Addicted to hate.
And his frail body took the pain of my despair.
I saw him almost break,
Then learn to take it.
I didn't notice him grow up...
Until he ran.
Then I saw how much he had changed,
How far we had drifted apart,
Or rather,
How far I drove him away.
The bottle in my hand does not excuse me for that.
I know.
But.
I think I've gone too far now.
She told me to look after him.
I promised...Oh God!
I betrayed her!
And him.

#pain #death #abuse #son #betrayal

242 · Oct 2016

Guilty

Parsavagely Kompenere Oct 2016

Guilty

I am guilty, I know, of a thousand sins
And many more besides
And I've punished myself every day
In vain hope I'd make it right
But wrongs are not erased by
Self-hatred, tears or tears in skin
But by accepting they were wrong
And letting forgiveness in
In place of bitter resentment of self
A new urge to give love instead
Because while regret makes sense
It doesn't repay the debt

242 · Nov 2016

1991

Parsavagely Kompenere Nov 2016

1991

Can you see? Rising in the streets
A force, a song, running through their feet
They move, as one, strides marking the beat,
One voice, one heart, hands and promise meet.

The fog, dispersed, by angry boots on stone,
The dark, remains, but no longer alone,
The hope's alive, and spirits start to grow,
They'll stand, until, the flag of change is flown

241 · Dec 2014

Dreams

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2014

Dreams

The only time you don't lie to yourself

#dream #sleep #lie

241 · Dec 2015

Orb

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2015

Orb

The orb glows,
Grows,
Glares and flares,
Boils and bursts,
Behind my eye,
Blinds my mind,
To the dark,
Dazzles me senseless,
Into a glorious moment,
A ****** of A silver
Sliver of hope,
Of happiness numbed,
Of pain.

But too bright,
The glass shatters,
Breaks my joy,
In two,
Once again,
And my mind shuts down,
And drowns in its own misery,
And goes to sleep.

241 · Oct 2014

Can I ever be awake?

Parsavagely Kompenere Oct 2014

Can I ever be awake?

I live in a state of
Perpetual
Unending
Exhaustion

I sleep and it's a
Useless
Restless
Waste of time

When I wake I feel the
Same
Crushing
Weight on my eyelids.

Can I ever be awake?
Maybe
One day
I'll find out

#stilltiredbutnotsomuch

240 · Sep 2016

Made Real

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Made Real

Jumbling up body parts,
To find a new solution
To a bonkers problem
That never existed until
It hopped into my mind
And scattered away all logic,
Replaced by a childish dream,
A pointless exercise,
A useless creation,
But still such pride
In the randomness of my mind,
And such freedom to be found
In the limbs and eccentricities
Of a ridiculous beast
With no reality
But made real by me.

240 · Jan 2015

One month

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2015

One month

Every day,
For a month,
I have tried to write,
From my heart,
Through my hands,
Onto paper made from light,
Though I found,
It hard at times,
I think it's gone alright,
And I hope,
You have enjoyed,
Joining my mind's flight,
Your words for mine
Have kept me smiling,
And helped keep my heart bright,
So thank you all,
And I hope you'll stay,
To see tomorrow's flame ignite.

240 · Sep 2016

Made fragile

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Made fragile

Shimmered clouds drip from green needles,
Hanging between the air,
Twisting to follow their jade guide,
And frozen in fine mist,
Clinging to each silver line,
Held in place,
Reinforced into shining wheels,
Soft as air, strong as steel,
Shaken by shallow breath,
A firm grip made fragile.

240 · Dec 2016

Rubato II

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2016

Rubato II

Straining to reach the notes,
Stretching to soar above all,
And deliver some message beyond words,
Outside reason and apart from logic,
And behind the sound, I must make it sound
As if I am simply singing,
Into the brass tunnels and letting them
Turn my song to music.

240 · Aug 2015

Sixteenth

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2015

Sixteenth

Behind me,
Years,
Too few,
And too many,
Spent afraid,
But so many,
Left to live,
Left to smile,
To be myself,
For my sixteenth year,
I will be me,
Every day,
For the first time.

239 · Sep 2015

Write something

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2015

Write something

Why do I write?
Because I can?
Because I must?
Because I should?
No.

I write for that feeling,
That heavenly feeling,
Of absolute freedom.

No boundaries,
When I write,
Imagination is the only limit,
Whatever I want to happen,
Wherever I want to go,
Whoever I want to be,
Is my choice.

I create worlds,
Build lives,
Change perceptions,
Resolve conflict,
At my will.

I can escape to the place of my choosing,
I can be lying beneath an ancient oak in summer,
With my friends,
Becoming better friends,
For a while.

I can redo,
Restart,
Rewind,
Erase,
All mistakes,
All sadness,
If I want.

I can fly and touch the clouds,
Or tame the fiercest beast,
Or battle demons,
Or influence cultures,
Or invent machines,
Or be myself,
Completely and utterly,
Simply by putting a pen to paper,
Or fingers to keys,
And writing something.

Anything.

239 · Apr 2017

Sarin

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2017

Sarin

Proven truths become
Cracks in the ice
Keeping us from plunging
Into a suffocating void
Living only by the
Facts we're fed
That keep us breathing
But only just
And slowly poisoning
Our brains.

239 · May 2016

Write through the spring

Parsavagely Kompenere May 2016

Write through the spring

The endless blue has hidden again,
Cowered behind the grey,
Though yesterday bold,
Now shy and afraid to be seen.

American spring has gone back home,
The British clouds back,
To take control,
And remind us we are a kingdom, not states.

Laid-back afternoons are over now,
Making way for the stress of reality,
No time to close your eyes,
No time to look around,
Sit at a desk and write through the spring,
Ignore the seasons,
Sit and write what they say.

239 · Aug 2017

Metal to Metal

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2017

Metal to Metal

A chattering of metal to metal
A hushed whisper
Broken only by the limits of closeness
No message lost along lines of muttering
And those confused caught quickly
No patience stored within those thin sheets
All rushed to fill this screen

238 · Sep 2016

Catchy

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Catchy

A tune in my head
A tapping of fingers
And feet grows stronger

Made up words
That made you cry
And laugh all at once

A love song
For a muse yet to come
And yet to care for me

A new anthem
For strangers to hear
And sing along themselves

Connections
Need rough edges
And a broken surface

So show my dark side
And know yours isn't so bad
And you're not the only one

238 · Feb 2016

What he wants

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

What he wants

A finger traces my jaw,
A whisper nudges my ear,
A rustling, a word, a hint,
I know.

A hand on my arm,
A breath trickles down my neck,
Closer he crawls, a touch,
I know.

A kiss on my cheek,
As I close my eyes and imagine,
Myself away, free, but
I know.

He will get what he wants,
Again.

238 · Nov 2015

(In)Visible

Parsavagely Kompenere Nov 2015

(In)Visible

I long for invisibility.
For no-one to notice,
or look twice.

But also for the truth
of visibility.

To allow me to shine,
honestly transparent,
and let me be seen without fear.

To be subtly
but clearly
different
from anyone else.

238 · Jun 2016

Satisfied

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2016

Satisfied

The chance, it's there!
Left! No, right!
But too late, the decision delayed,
And straight down the middle,
Denied. Again.
When will the luck break?
Can the bad run end?
A drought, everlasting,
Dry mouth, hungry,
Starving for the one hint,
And there again!
Another chance, charging for it,
Oh the taste! Satisfied at last.

237 · Feb 2017

This is my moment

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2017

This is my moment

Centre-stage
Solo
Words of power

Prepare
Aim
Sound the rally cry:

To arms!
My friends!
This is our time

But

As the call
Tumbles
From my mouth

My platform
Is taken
My mic cuts out

I stand up
Despite it
Make myself heard

Over the pit
And distance
Travel my words

They will forget
This Day
And all the hours before my stand

But they'll remember
My quiet revolution -
They'll understand.

237 · Jan 2016

One

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

One

If I'd only,
Held you a little longer,
Smiled a little brighter,
Or looked deeper in your eyes,
Would that show you?

If I'd only,
Been a little stronger,
Laughed a little lighter,
Or whispered the words in my mind,
Would you understand?

If I'd only,
Had one chance I'd have taken it,
If I'd only,
Been brave enough to say,
If I'd only,
One more day,
I'd spend it with you.

237 · Sep 2016

Hearty Thoughts

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Hearty Thoughts

Waiting, always, as I always have,
Once the suggestion floats across my mind,
Now it takes shape,
Becomes a hunger, a purpose,
To keep my heart busy,
So I replace my loneliness,
With the chance of its end,
A hollow promise to myself
That only she can fulfill,
But she will, I tell myself,
As I sit here and wait,
Wait for that clock to climb the second half of its face,
And to fall again into evening,
And into talking for hours
Along pointless tangents but still
With purpose: Another step, another moment.
Another smile, another laugh across her lips.

236 · Jan 2017

Steal My Eyes

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2017

Steal My Eyes

If I sit here staring into space
Perhaps I'm thinking
Or playing with thoughts
Posing some character and taking
a picture on an instant camera.

Or perhaps I'm singing
Some song in my head
that means enough to steal my sight
from my eyes
for my mind.

236 · Feb 2016

Save the moment

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Save the moment

.                            Their eyes scan,
searching for some
                          sight with more meaning than just an image.

Then eyes to the page and screen, hands to the cold.
Focus on some impossible feeling that could never quite
make it to the paper without
                                                    disruption.

                                                        And eyes close, forming truths.
                                          How best to commit the scent, sound or colour?
                                              How to restore an idea -  a concept so clear
                                                       in their minds but none besides?

The right word - eyes fix, then
               jump and dart,
                             away from those half-formed thoughts - then
               back, return to the same place, the same moment that was
               but then never was again.
That moment that would be lost, but for the words so
desperately scrawled.

235 · Feb 2016

The open door [Part 3]

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

The open door [Part 3]

Try to pull away,
One foot breaks from the shadows,
But no strength remains.

235 · Dec 2016

Intercessions

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2016

Intercessions

A word.
Just one.
Repeating.
My vision blurring.
Blinking fast.
A warmth tingling across my skin.

A voice.
Not mine.
Repeating.
My head hazy.
Confusion.
But feel a clear change.

No more.
Same old.
Repeating.
Do as I say.
Speak up.
Be who I promised.

235 · Oct 2015

Pledge

Parsavagely Kompenere Oct 2015

Pledge

I am not who you say I am,

I do not fit in boxes,
Except the ones,
I made for myself.

I am not for you to label:
"Fragile" or "Handle with care",
I'll tell you:
"This way up" and "Do not crush".

I will not conform to stereotypes,
Or another one's ideals,
Just to keep them happy,
At my expense.

I am not an anomaly,
A statistic or a test subject,
I do not need examining,
Or curing,
Or filling with drugs.

I will not judge,
On appearance,
And neither should you.

I am not who you say I am,
I am who I say I am,
And I will tell you in my own time.

235 · Aug 2016

Chasing

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2016

Chasing

Chasing a feeling that doesn't exist in reality,
Only in some fantasy,
Some imagined world where things aren't quite perfect,
But they're close enough,
To feel as if it would be worth trying to achieve it,
As if reaching out wouldn't be pointless,
So close to an ideal that it no longer feels impossible,
And of course, the company,
Not perfect people, but right.
The kind of people you pretend to hate,
While loving every second.

234 · Mar 2016

Denial

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2016

Denial

You'll be fine when...
Eternal lie...
Waiting never...
Made anyone feel...
Better...
Once you've...you'll feel different
Cruel promise...
Aiming the wrong way...
Won't get any closer...
To truth...
Just a phase*
Dismissal...
Will not help...
Denial is...
Pointless