if I cry out
will you listen,
for my howls rise up and drop
cold and dead in the night
and at dawn
like ice
I trickle and fall

That's all I've ever heard these past five years,
"You just have to make it 'til then."
Preceeded by what?
Relief, Success, an end
But, no, your trial only starts anew
With every break and holiday the same
"You just have to make it til Christmas Break."
But what is the after?
Because after I make it, I don't know how on earth I could ever do it again
But, I have no choice, and that is my choice,
So, I'll make it to Break and then I'll start it again
And make it to Spring Break
Then maybe to May
Maybe to Junior year
And maybe til I graduate

But if this is the way I feel
Through all "making it"
****, I don't want to

To the darkness I go
To rest my soul
And see no light
No end in sight

To know a child
Its laughter and love
To cling to it tightly
As if it were a dove
The feeling is joy
Peace, smiling, and hugs
But forced from it's life
Time erases as drugs

maybe you will understand and maybe you won't
but there is this feeling
it's not a good one and not always bad

where you feel something is about to happen
but you don't even know what;
in a position where left is right and right is wrong
and you're ****** if you do and ****** if you don't

it feels lonely
suspended in a dreadful feeling that something is terribly wrong
choosing a fate you do not know with a choice you don't even have

When you run through the trees to escape the fire
You place yourself deeper into the woods
and, then, all of a sudden, you've lost your way
The sky gets dimmer, eyes turn grimmer, as your throat grows tighter,
You've pulled your own trigger

What shall it be called when one knows they are failing oneself?
when the simple decision to succeed is the only thing lying between
the fear of failure has been replaced with the fear of fortune and good will

Because, where will the reasons for being the way you are go?
when succession is upon us

It is as if you set out, one day last week, to be the person you have always resented
Sleeping all day, staring at a screen all night and getting nothing done in dreams or real life
With sleep you are met with only nightmares, yet you'd rather be there than here
And your wakefulness only brings about regret for the hours that you spent in your bed

so you sleep again to hope that a new day will erase the problems of yesterday
but instead you bring the problems of today into tomorrow
a never-ending cycle that spins round and round until you're overwhelmed or you don't give two ***** about the person you once were or have become

with heavy lids i open my eyes
your gentle hums bring butterflies
i hold you close, bone to bone
together, we are no longer alone
all memories dance within our brains
fascination and obsession pulse through our veins
drifting to sleep, in tranquility
_     _______   _____   _
your heart beat whispers to which i wake
i smile and turn to see your face
and once again i start to cry
seeing the empty place where you used to lie

I do not know if you experienced the same shame
Where all those tears were yours to blame
Or if you've known the Maker's mark
That leaves you tattered and torn apart
A soul (no body), a beating heart

its a lonely day as I walk around the lake
some passerby's
no place to hide

its raining now, but only a mist
speckles of droplets land with a kiss
the sun's not shining, the clouds mourn
leaves wisp away, trees take on a new form
of dancing men that reach for the sky
their helpless goal, to the ground they are tied

and I wait no longer, as the train pulls away
to find a better life, without filth or decay
but great woe there be on mine heavy heart
when the train's gone, grows shadows and dark