I am a person who has survived abuse from her dad
I am a person who has daddy issues
I am a person who can never please her mom
I am a person who is alone
I am a person who cries alot
I am a person who used to cut
I am a person who tried to **** herself
I am a person who has mood swings
I am me

Ive never had a long term bf
Ive never been in love
My longest realtionship is 3 months
We were long distance for 1 on those months
Than i moved back and we never had time to see each other
Then we broke up
But i have never been in love
I liked him
But i have never been in love
Ive always dated people who play with my feelings
Flirts, cheaters, clingy boys, heartbreakers
But they always hurt me and i guess thats why i hurt you

I wonder about my sister
Is she fat?
Does she have a cat?
Is her family cool?
Does she make all the boys drool?
Is she smart?
Does she have brothers who arent?
How about friends?
Will these questions ever end
Will they just bounce around my head till im dead

Is her favorite color green?
What about Aquamarine?
Is her name Stephanie?
What is her middle name?

I wish she was here
She will probaly take after our father with depression
She might have a couple more years to worry about that
I hope she doesnt wind up dead
I wish i could be with her
Maybe her family moved to ohio too
Maybe i could meet her one day

I hate my life

Go after her she is skinny
Shes not like me skinny fat
Love her she is prettier than me
Dont love me with my messed up knees
Want her she is short and all
Dont want me im tall
I fall all the time
Im not right
I will hurt you and there will be no return
It will hurt me to but it will be better with out me
I will leave and you can have her i dont want to hurt anyone anymore

I have mood swings
People say you can see it in my poems and stories
I just go from crazy highs
To extreme lows
I go from posting alot
To not even picking up my diary
I go from being as hype as a cheerleader
To sleeping for 16 hours at a time

i buried a kitten
I tried to save her but i was to late
She ran away
Its my fault why she is dead
If only i tried harder

Am i not enough
Am i to broken
Am i to ugly
Am i to me

the pain is worse when your words come out
the words hurt my soul with untold amount

I hate my body
I hate my skin
Oh lord why cant i be thin
Maybe then i could be happy
Just ten more pounds
Then it will be the end

I go from being insanely hungry to forcing myself to eat
I go from being insanely happy to trying not to cry