Im crying
*** I'm dying
Anyone can save me
But I'm drowning in the self-hate
And no one want to pick me up out of these waters
These waters of pain

I have mood swings
People say you can see it in my poems and stories
I just go from crazy highs
To extreme lows
I go from posting alot
To not even picking up my diary
I go from being as hype as a cheerleader
To sleeping for 16 hours at a time

They try to tear me down
They try to make me hate you
They say you a sociopath
They dont know what ive been through
They dont understand my fears
They dont understand if you lock me up i will panic
They dont understand i dont stay in relationships because im scared if being trapped
And they also dont understand how I feel safe with you

They dont understand how it feels to have good grades but one f and hate your self because of it
They dont understand how i can forget something you told me 5 seconds ago
They dont understand how much it hurts when they say im not a ******
They dont understand how it feels to be called a **** when im still a ******
They dont understand how much i cry everynight
They dont understand why i feel this way
And i dont understand why i havent killed myself yet

My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was

Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.