There's a ******* fly that is taunting me in my living room.
I can't get the chance to **** it.
I'm on my second drink, and I'm bummed out that I'm alone.

I'm getting pretty toasted.
And yeah, it doesn't take much.
A joint would be great.
Sorry, I can't finish this poem.
I'm distracted by this documentary I'm watching about Janis Joplin.

I wish I could sleep.
But I hate being in this apartment alone.

My soul knows you’ll be leaving soon.
Off to the land of palm trees and a salty ocean.
Opportunity.
It’s the only thing left to do.
The other half of my heart that made
it so wonderfully full.
I think that’s why there’s an eternal
sadness stuck inside me.

If this love gets washed down the drain,
discarded like an empty pop can;
If I get stepped all over...

I'm tired of never being enough,
I'll never be enough.

Instead of building a beautiful life with me in my rickety shack,
they jump out of the window and run towards the mansion with a better view.

He took me with him to do
a quick errand at his College’s campus,
and dropped me off in the library.
A wide, open two story room with
a couple fairly dramatic staircases
and rows and rows of books.
I slowly walked through them,
enjoying that old paper smell,
and scanning for titles I recognized.
My heart would ache when I found
a book I wanted to read,
so I stored the names in my phone.
I hoped I blended in with all the quiet students
who were hunched over their laptops
with a notebook open in front of them.
I found a cozy chair and read the book I
brought with me while I waited for him
to get done.
Feeling more then happy to spend an afternoon
in a library.

I've been reading since I got home from the library.
Lately Tv has become boring to me.

There was a violin practice happening, a circle of old women playing Christmas music welcomed me to the poetry section.
A bucket of crayons and sheets of paper lay strewn across a table by the door I came in.
It felt odd to me that so much was going on inside this sectioned off room that used to be pretty dull and lifeless when I was a kid.
It didn't take long for me to find a few books I deemed interesting.
I flashed my new library card and walked out with my reading material, ready to cozy up on the couch for a few hours before work.

I can't sleep.
It's 1:50 a.m and I'm laying bed listening to the faint sound of my boyfriend playing a video game, and my furnace blowing air into my room.

I have been online shopping all day, but not buying.
I've discovered The X-files and I'm obsessed.

I have to go back to work tomorrow, and I really don't want to.
Being home is way too sweet.

Hey there love,
I've just stopped by to see how you are.
How's life treating you so far.
I've been good ya know?
But I've been better.
I'm looking forward to colder weather.
I'd love to sit and talk with you..
but I know that's something I can't do.
Although, that's okay.
It's alright.
I'm just a little drunk tonight.

I wish I could see what
I look like to you.
What is beautiful about me?
What isn't.
I know what I look like for
thirty seconds in the mirror,
but when my reflection isn't
for me to see,
what does it look like.

I wish I could learn to be happy with what I have.
Even though I want something or someone I wish I could be happy with right now.
I have made some changes and done things in the last 4 months that I used to think I could never do.
My life is simple and restful.
I have a sweet little apartment, and a good job.
I live lazily through my days with no drama,
and I always have someone to hangout with.
I have a lot of good.
I might be too much of a romantic and think I won't be full until I have Love.
But that's just another good thing I have.
The chance, the opportunity and excitement of falling in love and having no idea when it will happen.

I pause before I take another step.
"I'm lost." I say out loud.
"You're always lost!"
somebody shouts.

They're right, I know.
And then I take off again.

I want to be crazy in love again.
I want to feel butterflies.
I want to smile all day because of that person.
I want to be so happy I could die.
I want someone to take care of me, and be obsessed with me.
I want to have someone that likes doing what I like.
I want to stop feeling single, even though I'm not.

I'm ready for LOVE.

On Saturday night I didn't go out to dinner with my family because I discovered a new, big bald patch.

Right in the front of my hair line, on the other side of where my bangs used to be.
Except with this one, I can't cover it up.

I kind of jokingly mentioned it to my boyfriend, and he told me I looked fine.
But then my fingers kept attacking the same spot, and my brain began to get mad, and then scared.

Why do I let it get this bad?!
Why can't I just stop?!

I'm going to have to shave my head.
For real this time.

So, I told my boyfriend I was gonna go lie down and take a nap.
I really just couldn't stand being inside my head any longer.

I really scared myself. That was one of the first times I actually lied to my family as to why I couldn't go out. I lied about wanting to take a nap because I was about to take the clippers to my hair.

It was one of the first times I felt this thing really taking over me.

The man I’m seeing
works third shift.
So I don’t see him very often
but we talk a lot.

The other night
he called off work
so we could spend
time together.
He said that kissing me
makes him feel better
so he needed to skip.
And we did a lot of kissing
as well as other things.
I wish he could
call off work more often.

I spent the first two hours I was awake, crying as I watched the news.
Every channel was talking about the massacre in Orlando.
I was surprised to find myself a sobbing mess, and apparently so was my dog, because she crawled up beside me trying to lick away my tears and let me hug her, but I couldn't stop.
I have no words to describe the sadness I feel for the victims and their families.
Also, for my country.
I am frightened because I know there is more to come, except there's no way to tell when or where.
It's so easy to not realize what's happening in the world, when you have every day problems that distract you from the global pain.
I wish there was something I could do, to save the people on this planet, to save my home.