I peeked around the corner
to see if the bartender
was there and we made
eye contact so I
blurted out,
I’ll have another.

I probably shouldn’t
have another
because it’s 6:30 pm
on a Tuesday
that went completely
wrong.

Now I have to decide
if being completely
alone
is better than
being “in love”
with someone who
doesn’t see me
in their future.

I keep thinking that
maybe I can change
my mindset.
Be okay with a weekend
boyfriend,
just a guy that I care
about but not that much.
But I keep proving
to myself that
I can’t change.

I want someone
who wants me there.

I feel everything
intensely
so right now
my heart aches
but I have butterflies.
I can’t stop
thinking about his
big blue eyes and the way his
body feels against mine.
He even smells like safety.
We just spent the night
all over each other
but I’m seeing him again later.
We’ve only grown closer
and stronger over the
last year,
and definitely so in love.

Pretend to be
clueless and bat those
blues,
meanwhile he’s
practically panting.