heartbreak.
bitter sharp pains in my heart with every breath;
every second we spend apart.
alone. i'm all alone, now, and it hurts more than i thought it would.

i sit in my blue corner, adorned with blankets
and comfort and yet, still, i feel only the cold you left.
you stole all my warmth, my sun.
you stole all my heart, my stars.
you stole my happiness, my moon.

you were everything and yet, babe, here i am.
broken, alone and shivering.
writing poetry that no one will read,
grieving a loss that will never leave
why did you steal from me?

breathing is hard,
lungs heave the weight of wonders
wondering if you'll come back,
if you're good for me or if you're the poison in my lungs
you make me sick, homesick

i'm heartbroken, young and fractured
too naive to know and too fragile to care
i loved you, i love you and i'm full of tears
no more happy days, no more sunshine
is it safe to cry?

it's wanting the storm to end,
while watching it through your kitchen window
and hoping that it keeps raining
because the world stops for a few seconds
when you see the lightning shine through the glass
and you hear the thunder above your head.
the gray clouds seem to light up,
the sky is much prettier
than when it's blue but then
it goes back to what it was before;
just water and a dark sky

Flowers grow in the carcass of what you left,
Camellias bloom in my lungs with each breath I take;
desperately heaving, weeping, I'm a victim of theft.

Roses rise from the hole in my chest,
their prickly stems stab me, blood mixing with tears...
though, in your heart, I'm just a guest

Too young to feel this dead inside, Amaranthus flowers
still sprout within my soul, will these dark clouds
ever leave? You built me up in into glass towers.

It's the hemlock that dives in my blood.
My mind mirrors the smashed pieces of glass on the ground,
I'd love you if only it would,
fix the broken parts of your world.

These butterflies in my stomach feel like razor blades,
Cutting me up inside and leaving me for dead.
You’re breaking into my heart like police in house raids,
You’re like a book I’ve never read,

But I’m a book to you and you tore out the pages,
Taking them as your own and rewriting the words.
Bleeding, you make the world seem like it’s full of cages.
But, unbeknownst to you, I’m not likes birds
And I will not be caged.

“I love you,” you say, then you break my heart
Love? Love isn’t equated to the feelings you put into my stomach,
The anxiety I get; when once a text from you ignited fires it now
Starts a tornado of worry and nerves. You’re dragging me into the storm,
Leading me away from safety and into the danger zone that we call relationships.

“I love you” I say, biting back the nerves that spill over my tongue
Because once we were friends and now we’re much more, now the apple
Is a lemon and it’s sour and distasteful, the love feels like an apple falling from the tree and,
Like an apple,  I bruise so easily and I can’t stop the marks that appear on the surface.

Your words are a sledgehammer and I’m a wall that needs knocking down,
Our love is a construction site and we’re rebuilding what once was and,
I’ve never told you this, but I’m afraid of change and my heart’s no longer in the new build.
Still, “I love you” the words roll so easily from my tongue, your ears devouring every syllable
as though the things I say are candy. Sweet, oh so sweet,
but didn’t anyone tell you? Sugar is bad for you.
And so am I, my sweet lemon.

The apple that sent snow white sleeping, the spindle that caused aurora to fall into slumber,
The poison that you sink into my heart with every word you say.
I’m falling off a cliff, going deeper and deeper and deeper until I crash!
Babe, “I love you”, but you’re killing me.

But the walls inside your brain won’t offer you isolation, nor hope, they offer you an empty cave and you’re the only inhabitant. You’re alone, you’re so alone in this dark existence and even when someone’s there, you’re still alone up there.
Your heart works over time, more than your brain, and with every minute it cracks open and the feelings flood out. Your emotions are blood, your heart is you and the world is the heart monitor that beeps and screams, and shouts that you’re alive.
But then it stops. Your heart stops, but your blood keeps pumping and then the shock of existence starts you up again and you get better, you wait in a hospital bed and you recover. Each day you get better.
You get better.
And then life happens, and we’re forced into a loop that we cannot break from because we’re trapped. We’re trapped in this cold, dark existence and it’s so empty. It’s so apocalyptic and we’re not alone, we’re just isolated, cold and so ******* tired. We’re all so tired.